


Precognition

by taeku



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Anti-Hero, M/M, Secret Agency, Taehyung is a mess, Unhealthy Relationships, it's violent so pls read carefully, like very sad, pls read the notes and warnings before reading, the members have powers, they're secondary tho, this is gonna be sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-06-09 20:27:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 43,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeku/pseuds/taeku
Summary: Taehyung always lived a chaotic life, and he doesn't know how to get out of the circle. He tries though, he tries so hard, but nothing seems to go right. His abilitie, his relationships, his tentative of forgeting his past. And it becomes worst when that hateful past comes back from the dead.





	1. #1

**Author's Note:**

> So, i don't know what to say other than that this sorry is a huge mess and it's really not a happy one but i am only good at writing sad stories so here we are  
> Also, please don't hate me but i love to make my caracthers suffer so...  
> English isn't my first language, so if you see any mistakes, pls tell me so i can correct them
> 
>  
> 
> /!\ TRIGGERS WARNINGS /!\
> 
> the following matters will be part of the story (even implicitly), so if you're triggered/sensitive about them, pls read carefully or not at all (think about your well being before anything else)
> 
> \- depression/suicidal thoughts  
> \- panic attacks  
> \- murder  
> \- use of drugs  
> \- nightmares  
> \- eating disorder  
> \- death/grief  
> \- PTSD  
> \- torture
> 
>  
> 
> Even with all of that mess, i hope you will enjoy this story and the journey coming with it  
> Thanks for reading and all, really, because this story means a lot to me
> 
>  
> 
> UPTADE : 14/11/2018

_“You can’t leave me” he says, begging._

_He is on his knees, scratching the ground, breath almost inexistent. His nails are bleeding. He never felt so much pain. Never would have believed this day would actually happen. Never would have imagined it could hurt this much._

_“You promised” he says again “You promised!” he yelled._

_There’s a sad smile on the other persons’ face. It’s sad yet tender. Gunshots are heard, voices screaming orders are heard, loud foot steps are heard. The room is dark, so dark and empty, like there’s no walls. Just the two of them. And a door._

_“I can’t live without you, please, please, don’t do this to me!”_

_Only him can speak, and he’s not even sure the other person can hear him or understand him or even see him. The ground is cold. His body is cold. His heart is cold. Feelings of lost, of incapacity, of desperation, and fear are taking over him. Absolute fear. Fear he never felt before. So much fear he doesn’t know if it’s possible to survive this. It’s a good thing though, because he doesn’t want to survive anymore. He doesn’t want to live in this world alone._

_The taste of his own tears brings him back to reality and he knows. He knows it’s real and happening and inevitable. He screams but it’s as if no sounds are getting out of his mouth. The person standing in front of him smiles again, looks up. They’re looking at something -someone? – before placing their hand on the door wrist._

_Their mouth moves, they’re saying something but it can’t be heard and he screams louder and he wants to know and wants to run to them and hold them and tell them he loves them and he will take their place in death but he can’t move, he can’t breathe, he can’t do anything. The door opens and the person disappears behind it._

_Sudden gunshots are heard and they won’t stop. Even if he’s not there he can see the body being ripped apart, falling on the ground like a rag doll. There’s blood everywhere. There’s blood coming from under the door, there’s blood on his hands, there’s blood, blood, blood._

_He cries like he never cried before. He punches his chest in hope to make the pain go away, but it doesn’t work. It’s still here, real, destructive, overwhelming._

_Someone is dead again._

_And this someone meant the world to him._

 

_______________________

 

When he wakes up, Taehyung is covered in sweat, his breathe swift, short, burning. He had a nightmare again.

Looking at his phone, he sees it’s only 5 a.m., but he knows he won’t be able to go back to sleep. Sighing, he gets up and takes a quick shower. He needs to run. He goes out silently, not wanting to wake up Namjoon, his roommate. It’s still dark and cold but he doesn’t care. He runs for an hour or so. He runs around the city, watching how it never really goes to sleep. Watching how people get back home or leave for work, how cars are loud and everywhere. He watches himself in the glasses.

Taehyung hates having nightmares. He hates having to wake up at night and not being able to go back to sleep. He hates being so unable to get read of them after so many years.

When he comes back to the apartment, Namjoon is awake. Dressed in all comfortable, dark clothes, he’s taking his breakfast, muscles visible through the thin fabric of the t-shirt. They make eye contact and Taehyung just moves his head to say hello. Namjoon stares at him, neutral.

“You had a nightmare again”

His deep voice resonates in the small room and Taehyung closes his eyes. He can never hide anything from him, even when he tries his best.

“Stop reading my mind”  
“I wasn’t reading your mind, but your face. “Nightmare” is written all over it”

Taehyung pours himself a bowl of cereals before sitting. He looks tired, more than usual, and Namjoon doesn’t like it. His nightmares have become worst since the last couples of weeks and he doesn’t know what to do. He tried to talk to him, tried to have him take a medicine but Taehyung always refused. Said he didn’t want to become addict.

“I am listening if you want to talk about it” Namjoon says, gently.

Taehyung nods, says “I know” while playing with his food.

It’s silent for a moment before he decides to speak up. His voice is barely noticeable at first, but it gets higher as he speaks.

“It was about my mother. I saw it again”

Namjoon stops eating and stares at him, worry in his eyes. Taehyung never speaks about his parents, especially his mother. Slowly, Namjoon tends his arm and takes Taehyung’s hand in his.

“It’s coming, isn’t it?”

Feeling tears coming, Taehyung blinks several times, swallowing them away. He hates crying. He hates talking about his nightmares. He hates talking about his mother. He hates, he hates, he hates. Clearing his throat, he gets up, walking to the bathroom. Talking about his nightmare was a mistake. Talking about his mother was an ever bigger mistake.

“You didn’t eat anything” says Namjoon, but Taehyung ignores him, banging the door behind him.

 

-

 

In a bad mood, he goes to college, music screaming in his ears. He keeps his hands in his pockets, careful not touching anyone, looking at the ground, hood over his head. Even though he loves what he studies and finds it really interesting, his mood doesn’t seem to light up during the day. It’s drab, glum and slow. Too slow. Even though he’s used to being tired, the only thing he wants right now is to come back home and sleep.

As he’s walking out of his last class of the day, his teacher calls him out.

“Oh, Mr. Kim! Can I talk to you for a second?”

Taehyung turns to him, surprised. He doesn’t know why his teacher would keep him after class but he stays behind anyways, curious. When everyone is gone and Mr. Layhe is done cleaning his papers, he looks up and smiles. It’s a small but gentle smile, those you give to children. Taehyung leans his head a bit, wonder in his eyes.

“You must wonder why I asked you to stay, don’t you?”

Taehyung nods, waiting for his teacher to speak. Taehyung doesn’t like a lot of people but somehow, he always liked this teacher. For as long as he remembers, he was always told not to trust anybody, to always be careful around strangers, to always look behind his shoulders. But Mr. Layhe is kind. He’s kind even to him, Kim Taehyung. So Taehyung decided to let go of the chains a little.

“Follow me please”

Keeping his hands against his torso, Taehyung looks at his teacher before following him. They walk in silence for a moment, only stopping when other students go to Mr. Layhe for advices on papers. When they pass by the administration, Taehyung starts to wonder.

“Where are we going?” he asks, looking around.

“My office, I have something I want to show you”

Taehyung is surprised but doesn’t say anything else. Soon, they’re in Mr. Layhes’ office, sitting at the desk. He smiles again and looks for something in his drawers. A minute passes before a happy exclamation. Mr. Layhes’ face is bright, his eyes sparkling. He turns to Taehyung and hands him a folder called “Advance researches on humans’ brain and its cognition”.

Taking it in hands, Taehyung knit his brows before reading the pages.

“I’ve noticed you were particularly interesting in human cognition. Your assignments are really good, almost too good for a young student like you” says Mr. Layhe

Crossing his fingers, he licks his upper lip. “This is a document I give only to my senior year students, but I thought you would appreciate a work like this one” he continues.

Taehyung nods, looking up at his teacher.

“You want me to do the research?” he asks, not completely sure of his teachers’ intention.

“Yes, but considerate it as training. You won’t be able to do the experiments, of course, and I can’t make it count on your grades, but it will help you in the future, I guarantee you”

Taehyung thinks for a moment. He would like to do it, even for fun, but he doesn’t know if he will have the time, nor the energy.

“How long do I have to do it?”

“I give you a month, maybe a little more, if that’s really necessary” smiles Mr. Layhe “you don’t need to finish it completely. As I said, it’s only training, so don’t overdo yourself”

Taehyung blinks. A month is a short time to do such work, especially when other teachers seem to like giving students a stupid amount of work to do. But he likes the subject, wants to see what he’ll learn from it.

“Thank you Mr. Layhe, I won’t disappoint you”

They smile at each other before Taehyung leaves the office and walks to the bus station. Looking at his phone, he notices three missed calls from Namjoon. A sudden cold feeling in his chest, he calls him back. As it’s ringing, he sees his friend walking towards him. His eyes are narrowed and he seems a little pissed.

“Did something happen?” asks Taehyung, worry in his voice.

Namjoon ignores him. Says “Where were you?” and “We were supposed to meet at the bus station but you never came”

Confused, blinking, Taehyung takes a couples of second to think. Then it hits him. Smirking, he shakes his head. Of course Namjoon would worry. He always does.

“One of my teachers wanted to talk to me. Sorry, I should have texted you”

Namjoons’ shoulder relax a bit but his face is still cold. Taehyung doesn’t really blame him, but he’s annoyed. Annoyed because, once again, Namjoon doesn’t trust him. Annoyed because he can’t do anything without people becoming crazy and starting wars when they don’t know where he is.

He feels like Rapunzel. Trapped in a tower with a crazy god-mother looking after him. Ignoring the frown on Namjoon’s face, he starts walking to the bus station. He wants to go home, eat something and sleep.

Waiting for their bus to arrive, Taehyung notices a man, sitting near them. Usually, Taehyung doesn’t bother with people, but this man won’t stop staring at him. Taehyung can take a lot of things, he really can, but what he hates the most is people staring at him shamelessly.

Clearing his throat, he finally gets in the bus, walking right to the back, Namjoon lazily following him. After a couple of minutes, Taehyung looks around. Not far from them, still staring at him, is the same man from before. Uncomfortable, Taehyung turns to Namjoon and discretely points at the man. When Namjoon looks, there’s nothing to see.

“What?” he asks “What is it?”

“There’s a man starring at me” Taehyung whispers.

But when he looks again, he freezes.

“Taehyung, what are you talking about?”

The man isn’t here anymore. Blinking, Taehyung stops breathing for a second.  Did he imagine all of this? Was the man even real? Shaking his head, he starts scanning the bus. He was sure. Someone was looking at him. Someone was here. He didn’t imagine it.

The bus marks a stop. Turning his face to look outside, Taehyung catches the man. He’s walking backward, _still_ staring at him with empty eyes. Taehyung stops moving for a second, concentrating on blocking his mind to any kind of intrusion.

“Why are you blocking your mind?” whispers Namjoon, frowning his eyebrows.

He turns his eyes, looking where Taehyung is looking, but he only sees a man walking away, protecting himself from the wind. They look at each other, unsure. _There was a man staring at me._ It’s not often that they talk in their minds. It’s not often that Namjoon gets to hear Taehyung’s thoughts. So he blinks before answering. _No one was staring at you Taehyung._

Frustrated, for some reasons, Taehyung firmly shakes his head. _I tell you, someone one was looking at me!_ Closing his eyes at the sudden burst of thoughts, Namjoon takes a couples of seconds to compose himself again. _Are you sure?_ Taehyung doesn’t need to answer to that question. Taking his hand in his own, Namjoon gets up. Walking to the front of the vehicle, he smiles at the driver.

“Sorry sir, could you open the doors again please? We forgot to get down”

Ten minutes later, they’re in another bus, going the opposite way of their apartment. Taehyung looks out the window in case he sees the man again, but there’s no sign of him yet. He knows where Namjoon is taking him and he’s too tired for that. But clearly, he doesn’t have any other choice.

Getting out of the bus, they walk fast to an old building, in the corner of the street. Bronze plates are hooked near the door, doctors and nurses’ names written on them. Entering the place, they salute the receptionist and go directly to the elevator. Pressing the 9th floor’s button, Namjoon takes out a badge from inside his bag. After 5 seconds, a robotic voice starts speaking.

**“You pressed the 9 th floor. Please present your I.D”**

Namjoon presses his badge against a small locker, allowing the machine to scan it before the elevator finally moves. But instead of going up, they go down. For the two minutes it takes to get to the destination, none of them talk. There’s nothing to say anyways.

When the doors open, the corridor they enter in is dark for a second before the ceiling lamps turn on. It’s long and kind of unwelcoming, but they’re both used to it. They walk fast, not stopping before turning left. The more they walk, the more corridors and closed doors appear. Taehyung knows this place like the back of his hands, so much that he could perfectly find his way back to the surface in the dark.

“Do we really need to do that?” he asks Namjoon, boredom in his voice.

“We can’t take any risks, you know that”

Sighing, Taehyung doesn’t say anything. Namjoon won’t listen to him anyway. A minute later, they stop in front of a door. When they knock, a feminine voice tells them to come in. The room is vast, colourful, almost cosy. In the middle, sitting behind a desk, a middle-aged woman smiles at them. Her long blond hair are loose on her shoulders and she’s wearing a simple shirt. As usual, Nathalie is beautiful.

“Hello boys. I was expecting you” she says, presenting the seats before the desk.

“Were you?” asks Taehyung, making himself at home.

“Jerry felt your presence” she smiles.

Taehyung smiles. Of course Jerry would feel and tell.

“Do you want something to drink, perhaps?”

Namjoon glances at him before clearing his throat. Taehyung isn’t ready for this, doesn’t want to go to the whole process of speaking again. But Namjoon, being who he is, won’t let him be at peace. Not once.

“Actually, we.. Taehyung has something to say to you. It seems… important”

Nathalie turns her attention to him, eyes inviting him to speak more. Taehyung, suddenly, isn’t so sure of himself anymore. Should he talk about what he saw? Should he take the risk to worry her more than she probably is? What if it was nothing? What if… _But what if it was something?_ Taehyung blenches at Namjoon’s voice inside his head.

“Stop reading my mind” he says at loud, annoyed.

Rolling his eyes, Namjoon looks at the ground. Nathalie laughs softly, crossing her arms on her desk.

“Come on boys, no mind talking when I am around. You know the rules”

They mumble apologies without really thinking them and the room gets silent after that. Taehyung is still thinking. Now that he thinks about it, the events seem odd, almost like a blurry dream. Maybe Namjoon is right. Maybe there wasn’t anything to see. Maybe he did actually imagine it. It wouldn’t be the first time.

"Taehyung” Nathalie finally says “What did you want to talk about?”

Taehyung didn’t want to talk about anything to begin with. He didn’t even plan on coming in here in the first place. The only reason they’re here is because Namjoon, as usual, got extra worry and decided, on his own, to come here and start another drama. Taehyung doesn’t want to be another burden on Nathalie’s shoulders. Doesn’t want to be, yet again, the biggest burden on Namjoon’s shoulders.

“I don’t think there’s really something to talk about” he says “Namjoon is just overreacting again”

“I am not!” Namjoon defends himself “You told me you saw a man starring at you and, sorry no sorry to say, you looked pretty overwhelmed by it”

Tapping his tongue against his palate in annoyance, Taehyung glances at his friend. He hates when he’s being like this. He hates when they make things bigger than they are in reality.

“I was uncomfortable, that’s all”

“You don’t block your mind when you’re “just” uncomfortable”

Sensing the tension rising, Nathalie catches they’re attention. Licking her lips together, she sighs silently.

“Namjoon” she says, “Maybe you should go and let Taehyung speak. He might be more comfortable talking in private”

The two boys look at each other before Namjoon gets up. He doesn’t look at Taehyung before getting out of the room, banging the door behind him. Silence takes place and neither Taehyung or Nathalie seem to want to break it. They’re just glancing at each other. After a minute, seeing that Taehyung won’t be the one breaking the ice, Nathalie smiles at him.

“Are you alright lately Taehyung? You look more tired than usual”

Her voice is tender, light. He knows she only means well, but he despites it when people come and tell him things like this. Yes, he knows, he looks tired, more tired than the last time they saw him. He always seems more tired than the last time and so on. He doesn’t need a reminder because the pain in his eyes and skull is enough of a constant recall.

He doesn’t want to get mad at Nathalie though. He doesn’t want to fight her. He doesn’t have this king of energy. So he decides to tell the truth.

“My nightmares are back”

“How bad are they? On a scale of 1 to 10”

Taehyung thinks for a second. He had worst nightmares when he was younger but the ones he’s been having lately are bad. Worse than he’s willing to admit. Even to himself. He sighs before scratching his neck.

“They’re… 7”

Nathalie pinches her lips. She doesn’t like the idea of him suffering every night, but she also knows he doesn’t like to speak about it. He told her that enough time in the past. So she simply nods before getting up to fill a glass of water she hands him. Sitting on her desk, she looks at him with a slight smile.

“So, about what happened” she starts “Do you want to talk it?”

Taehyung drinks his water slowly, not sure of how to express himself. What if she thinks he’s having hallucinations again? What if she tells him to stay a couple of days here, in one of the rooms, to see how it goes? He sighs. Even if she doesn’t believe him in the end, he has to tell her. It could be something more than just himself.

“As Namjoon said before, I saw a man staring at me for a while”

His voice his just a whisper, but she heard him well. She always hears him. She doesn’t question him about the veracity of the thing. Instead, she sits in the chair next to him.

“What did he look like?”

“He was tall and tan if I remember correctly. I think he had a scar under one of his eyes” he says “His eyes were really cold, almost… dead”

Before she can say anything, someone knocks at the door and enters without hesitation.

“Nathalie, we have a problem. Someone…”

A little man entered the room, looking tensed. He stops himself when he sees Taehyung, not sure if he’s allowed to talk more in his presence. Pressing his lips together, he looks at Nathalie, shoulders straight.

“I am sorry for interrupting you, but it’s important”

Nathalie nods before looking at Taehyung.

“Let’s talk about it another time”

Her voice his still tender, but something changed in her eyes. Taehyung gets up silently before leaving the room.

“Hi George” he says, passing by the little man.

The latter nods before closing the door. Sighing, Taehyung walks toward another door, a couple of meters away. He enters a very bright room with paintings on the walls. Some kids are playing together on the left and some others are training behind a large glass window, on the right.

Crossing the glass, he can hear the screams and orders giving by Irene. Looking at her, Taehyung notices how she doesn’t put a lot of pressure on her right leg, how she touches it for time to time. Narrowing his eyes, he feels a bit of pity for her. Losing her leg took something from her. Getting closer, Taehyung feels a trail of cold passing near his head. Turning around, he sees a little girl running towards him, panic all over her face.

“Are you alright? I am so so so so sorry! I didn’t see you” she says, or screams really.

Careful not to touch her bare skin, he smiles and gets on his knees.

“I am fine. But be more careful with your target next time, ok?”

Smiling shyly, she returns to her friends. Taehyung gets up and smiles at Irene, who’s coming his way. Her smirk tells him that him getting almost shot and frozen amused her.

“Don’t you know this is a war zone?” she says, gently slapping his shoulder.

Her long hair fly around her head when she turns and blocks another frozen trail with a force field. She then surrounds them with it, as protection.

“It’s better if we don’t die during training. Those little monsters would destroy the agency trying to ask for help”

They laugh and Irene gets back to teaching. Since Taehyung doesn’t have anything better to do, he stays with her and watches the kids train for an hour or two. After that, tired and wanting to go home for good, Taehyung walks toward the training room number 3, trying to find Namjoon. From all the rooms here, this practice room is like Namjoon’s safe place. If he’s somewhere, it would be here. As he’s opening the door, a voice resonates at his left.

“He’s not here”

Taehyung blenches at the voice, heart racing. Turning away from the door, he clicks his tongue.

“For the thousandth time Jerry, don’t scare me like that!”

The young boy laughs, not looking sorry at all. Jerry is one of the only few people Taehyung is friend with. One of the few people that don’t get tired of him, that don’t get frustrated by his passive attitude and his lack of physical contact. He’s one of the few unlucky, as Taehyung likes to say.

“What do you mean by ‘he’s not here’?” he asks.

“Namjoon. He went on a mission” says the young boy, playing with a Lego he has in hands.

“A mission? He didn’t have any mission planed… And how did you know I was looking for him anyway?”

Jerry looks up and stares at him as if he was stupid.

“Your colour”

Taehyung nods in understanding. Jerry’s ability of seeing colours surrounding people is very useful on mission but not really when it comes to real life and keeping secrets away from him.

“Plus, you’re always around him, following him like a little doggy”

Taehyung opens his mouth. Ouch. That was rude. But Jerry isn’t nice with words. When he has something to say, he says it, and doesn’t care if it hurts or not. At least you know he will never tell lies. Sighing, Taehyung says his goodbye and walks out of the building. Guess he will have to come home alone in the end.

It’s dark outside and it’s colder than ever. Walking fast, Taehyung goes to the bus station. During all his way back to the apartment, he looks behind him, making sure no one is following him.

After a long and hot shower, he eats left over pizza before putting on his pj’s. He’s so tired he doesn’t doubt about sleeping right after his head hits the pillows. When closing the curtains, something gets his attention. Outside, standing in the middle of the road, someone is looking right at him.

 

 

_____________________

 

 

_“Mom! Look”_

_A little boy is running in a field, a big smile on his face. The sun reflects in his eyes and flowers are dancing around him. A woman is standing not far away from him, smiling, waving. The wind caresses her face and her hair mask her eyes for a quick moment. The little boy plays around, collecting flowers. When his hands are full of them, his smile grows bigger and he turns around, running to his mom. He calls her again, but she’s not smiling anymore. In fact, she’s crying._

_“Don’t worry baby”_

_Her voice is pain in the little boys’ ears. He stops running, worried and scared. When he turns back to run away, the scenery is different. He’s in a cold room, tie down on a bed, his mother looking down at him._

_“Don’t worry baby” she says again “it’s for your own good”_

Taehyung wakes up at the little boys’ screams. His head hurts and he has tears falling down his cheeks. Sitting up straight on the chair he’s on, he looks around. The coffee shop is silent, except from the radio playing in the background. No one is looking at him. Sighing, he takes a sip of the coffee he ordered, trying to take deep breathes. It’s a beautiful day. The sun is out and bright and the wind is nice. Not at all in harmony with his mood. Annoyed, he slaps himself for sleeping while in a mission, but he had so little sleep these past few days that he can’t stay awake all day long anymore.

_They’re here_. Namjoons’ voice resonates in Taehyungs’ head like his own. His heart is beating fast but his breathe is surprisingly calm. He looks up discreetly, watching as two young children pass before him. They’re laughing and holding hands and Taehyung suddenly feels really old. And sad. But there’s no time for this. He needs to focus, not think about the past.

He takes a deep breath, freeing his mind of any thoughts. These two kids need to be drive to safety. He’s here for this, and nothing else. So he gets up, leaves the coffee shop and follows the kids. _I am in position_. Taehyung keeps his eyes locked to them, watching every one of their movements. One of the children, a little girl, stops to tie her shoe. Her friend, a little boy, watches her with a little smile. It’s the perfect moment _. I am going in_. But as he says it, Taehyung sees a car arriving their way. It slows down and in a matter of seconds, two men get out and take the children in their arms. Taehyungs’ body gets cold and he freezes. What the hell is happening? _CODE RED_. He screamed in his head but he must have said it out loud too because the men turn to him right after. 

A gun appears in one of the men’s hand and Taehyung just has time to get on the ground before the gunshot. His heart misses a beat before he realizes. _They have guns! Namjoon, why the hell do they have guns?_! The children are screaming and struggling to escape. Taehyung immediately gets up and runs to them. They will not have them. Not on his watch. Not ever.

He runs fast and falls on the ground again at the second gunshot. This one was close to his ears. He scratches his arm in the movement and it burns but he gets up and runs again. He pounces on one of the men, bringing him to the ground, imagines flying before his eyes. He punches the man and success in freeing the little girl from him.

“Run!” he screams at her, pushing her away.

He suddenly feels dragged on the ground and fists are thrown at him. He protects his head the best he can but his opponent is way stronger than him. Quickly, he feels dizzy and starts seeing stars. It’s bad, he thinks. Bad, bad, bad. But he can’t give up yet. He has to get up and save those children. There’s no other way around. He groans and head-butt the man above him. It’s just enough to stumble away.

With the corner of his eyes he sees that the little girl is still here, petrified, looking at him and her friend back and forth. Now that he has a clear view of the scene, he sees that the man holding the little boy still has his gun out and has the perfect opportunity to shot him now that he stands up. _Namjoon, where the hell are you_?! Taehyung whispers before his head explodes in pain.

It’s like the world is stopping and he cups his head with his hands and he screams and falls on his knees. All he can see is the little girl. Standing up. Screaming. And then Taehyung understands. He understands that she’s using ultrasounds. Taehyung never thought a little girl like that would have so much power in her. But he doesn’t think she knows she’s capable of doing what she’s doing because she’s just screaming her fear out.

He tries to get up but the pain is too much. He feels like losing his mind and he thinks his ears are bleeding and his eyes are getting out of their orbits. And then the pain suddenly stops. He doesn’t hear anything but tinnitus after that. He falls on the ground when he tries to get up, hitting his head on the ground.

And he sees it. He sees all of it.

The little girl is laying on the ground, her eyes open, blood getting out of her stomach. She got shot. And she’s looking right into his eyes. Taehyung stares at her for what seems an eternity before he screams. Pain and anger and bitterness are rumbling inside of him and he can’t think about anything and it feels too real, too much like home. He’s not on the street anymore, he’s not trying to save the kids, there’s no men shooting him. He’s back in a cold room, a little girl staring at him with fear in her eyes. Her blond hair all messed up, two of her teeth missing. She’s touching her stomach, and her fingers are full of blood. She tries to speak but can’t and there’s blood coming out of her mouth. She falls on the ground, her dead eyes crying their last tears. And she won’t stop staring at him.

Reassembling what is left of his strength, he gets up and runs to the first man standing in his way. And he punches him, again and again and again. He doesn’t stop and he can’t think straight and he can’t see anything apart from the blood getting out of the mans’ face, the blood getting out of the girl’s stomach. And after this, he only sees darkness and there’s no sound around him anymore. He’s floating.

He brakes a nose, brakes a jaw, brakes a neck. But even if the body underneath him is dead, he keeps punching and punching and punching until there’s nothing left to punch, until the only thing he can feel are arms around his body, and a burning sensation in his neck.

 

-  
  
When he wakes up, everything is silent. It’s cold and too bright for his eyes. He blinks several times before he can adjust to the light. The ceiling above him is white. He shivers, tries to get up, but the pain in his head is stopping him. His head spins for a moment before he can open his eyes again.

Looking around him, he tries to raise his arms but he can’t. There’re handcuffs around his wrists and they’re hurting him but he doesn’t care. The feeling of being tied up and kept captive makes him want to vomit and he struggles getting free. He can’t be here., he thinks. Not again. He can’t be in a place like this.

His heart starts beating faster, sweat appears on his forehead and he has difficulties to breath. He knows where he is and he can’t accept it. He groans and pulls thicker before he hears footsteps. He raises his head, ready to fight even though fear is almost too much to bear but he stops himself when he sees a familiar face coming his way.

“You’re ok Tae, you’re ok. You have nothing to worry about” Hyuna says in a sweet voice, touching his shoulder.

His entire body relaxes at the contact. His head stops spinning. He’s at the agency. He’s home. He’s ok. He closes his eyes and takes deep breathes. For a moment, he thought they took him away. The others. He thought he was a prisoner. He thought he was dying. Tears are falling from his eyes but he can’t wipe them away because he’s tied up to his bed. So he just looks up at Hyuna, a new determination in his eyes. He’s safe, so there’s nothing to be afraid of.

“Uncuff me Hyuna”

The girl takes a step back, unsure. She plays with her fingers before turning her head to the door.

“Hyuna” he says again “Let me go. Now”

“I can’t” she answers “I got the order to only heal you. Nothing else”

Taehyung blinks several times. He doesn’t understand why he’s here, why he’s being kept in bed, why he’s handcuffed. He just wants to know what happened to the kids. What happened to the men. Was the mission successful? Did he fail? He needs answers but he can’t have them here. Before he can say anything else, Nathalie enters the room, soon joined but Jerry and Namjoon. All of their faces are blank, expressionless. He notices that Namjoon has a black eye and his lips are cut. Something bad happened. He feels it. They failed.

“How do you feel?” asks Nathalie once she’s near him.

Her voice is neutral, but he can feel the anger in it. She doesn’t touch him and that’s strange because she always touching him when he’s injured. She always touches him like a mother would touch her wounded kid. He frowns his eyebrows before looking at Namjoon. He’s standing behind Nathalie, staring at the ground, not saying anything.

“I am fine” he says, swallowing his saliva. His tongue is pasty “What happened? Why am I handcuffed?”

It’s silent for a moment before Nathalie sighs. She looks tired. And sad.

“You had an episode”

Her voice is just a whisper but her words went directly into his ears. He can’t believe it. He closes his eyes, biting the inside of his cheeks. No, no, no, not again. He has difficulties to breathe again and his voice his shaking and desperate when he speaks. 

“Did… Did I kill someone?”

“Yes”

Namjoon spoke this time. And he couldn’t control his shaky voice either. Taehyung can’t open his eyes. He can’t face them right now. They all hate him and he can’t blame them because he hates himself too. He hates himself more than they could ever.

“I am sorry” he whispers “I am sorry”

It’s silent again before Nathalie touches his hand. It’s gentle even though she looks mad.

“We’ll talk about it later. For now, we need to speak to the kid”

“The kid?” asks Taehyung, opening his eyes.

The kids are alive? They succeeded?

“Yes. You couldn’t save the girl, but the little boy is alive”

At those words, Taehyung stops breathing. The little girl died. She was bleeding from her stomach. The memory makes him sick again but he swallows it away. He can’t be unwell right now. When they leave the room a couple of minutes later, Taehyung is left alone, with no one to talk to. He’s still handcuffed even though he’s not a danger to anyone anymore and he feels dirty and wants to punish himself and die. He waits for what seems a long time before Jerry comes back and uncuffs him. Surprised, Taehyung looks at him.

“The boy won’t talk unless you’re here” he says in his nonchalant voice.

Wondering but not waiting any longer, Taehyung gets up and follows the young man to one of the interrogation room. In the middle of the room, sitting at a table, Nathalie faces the little boy. Looking at him, Taehyung frowns. He looks so tiny in this room. Sighing, he walks to the little boy, not looking at Nathalie.

“Hi there” he says, kneeling in front of the boy, a gentle smile on his face “I am Taehyung. What’s your name?”

His voice is still raw and shaking, but it’s clear enough for anyone to hear. The kid doesn’t answer, playing with his fingers, his eyes trembling.

“Don’t be afraid, I’m not here to hurt you” continues Taehyung “I promise”

“Jonah” answers the little boy after a hesitation.

“How do you feel Jonah? Are you hungry? Cold?”

The boy nods at the question. His entire little body is shaking and it makes Taehyung mad. He looks up at Nathalie, anger in his eyes. How can she treat him like he’s a prisoner? Shaking his head, he brushes the little boy’s hair, ignoring the images.

“He won’t talk in here, not in those conditions” he says, is voice neutral “I am taking him in one of the playrooms”

Not waiting for an answer or approval, he takes Jonahs’ hand and brings him in a playroom, a couple of doors away. Once they’re sitting on the playroom ground, Jonah seems a little better, a little more at ease. He hands him a little lion to play with.

“Are you scared?” Taehyung asks, nonchalant.

“I was, but not anymore” Jonah says, playing with the toy.

“Why?”

“Because you’re here now”

Taehyung stays silent for a moment, not knowing what to say. He’s even a little uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because no one ever told him they felt safe with him. No one ever felts that way with him.

“Do you feel safe with me?”

Jonah nods, looking up at him.

“You helped Maggie by punching the mean man, so I trust you. And you promised not to hurt me. But I don’t trust the other adults. They were mean to me”

Taehyung nods. He understands the feeling more than he wants to admit. Looking closer at him, he’s surprised that the death of his friend doesn’t seem to affect him that much. Maybe the chock of it didn’t hit him yet. Maybe he will realise later, like Taehyung did when he was his age. Shaking his head at the memories, he starts to play with a toy too.

“The men who took you earlier, did you know them?” he asks, after some time.

Jonah stops playing, sadness appearing in his eyes. He shakes his head. He doesn’t know anything about the men, nor why they wanted to take them away. They were just ordinary kids after all. Taehyung keeps on asking him questions, trying to understand why those two kids were chosen, but deep down, he knew the answer. He knew they wanted them because of what they could do, just like Taehyung and the rest of the agency. If the two men were part of NARSA, which he’s sure of, then they were in more trouble than he thought.

“What is NARSA?” asks Jonah.

Taehyung looks up, surprised. He must have spoken at loud without realising it.

“NARSA means National Advance Researches on special Abilities” Taehyung says, his voice getting lower “It’s a laboratory and the two men we met today probably are from there”

He stops for a second, memories making their way to the surface. He wipes them away by shaking his head.

“They’re very bad people, and you must never trust nor follow them”

“Why?”

“They do bad things to people like you and me”

“Did they do something bad to you? Is that why you were so angry?”

Taehyung doesn’t know what to answer to that. And even though he would have known, he wouldn’t have been capable of speaking. An hour later, Nathalie comes in. She looks at the two boys sitting on the ground and smiles at Jonah when he looks at her but he doesn’t seem to care. She then looks at Taehyung.

“Time’s up”

Sighing, Taehyung gets up, soon followed by Jonah. They get out of the room hand in hand. George is waiting in the corridor, back against the wall. When he sees them, he stands up and walks to them.

“Take the boy in chamber 34” Nathalie says.

George nods before taking the little boys’ hand like he was nothing but dirt. Jonah screams and drags Taehyung with him, not letting go of his hand. Quickly, the young man stops George and looks up at Nathalie. She doesn’t even look bothered nor concerned by the way the kid is treated. Taehyung is hit by realisation. Realisation that she really doesn’t care about the way they treat children anymore. How can she be so calm and emotionless in a situation like this? When did she become this?

“He’s not your fucking prisoner Nathalie”

She opens her mouth, surprised. She clearly didn’t expect this.

“What did you say?” she asks, blinking.

“You heard me well, don’t play ignorant”

George groans. Of course he does. Dogs always groans when their master is being attacked. Nathalies’ face gets paler, and her fists tighten. She’s angry now, but Taehyung couldn’t care less because he’s even more angry than her. He knows that chamber 34 is a sad little room they use when they’re not sure about someone’s intention. It’s a cage. And they can’t put an innocent little child in there. He can’t support that.

“You perfectly know what those kinds of conditions will do to him so let him be a fucking kid and let him play with people his age”

The silence that follows means a lot. But Taehyung won’t back off. He has to protect Jonah from this. Even from Nathalie if he needs to. This kid is a victim, not a threat. And Nathalie seems to have forgotten that. She stares at him for a long time before sighing. She presses a finger between her eyes, shaking her head.

“George, get him in the kids’ dormitory”

Taehyung relaxes and looks down at Jonah. He smiles at him before kneeling.

“You need to follow George now. Don’t worry, he will keep you safe”

Jonah shakes his head, not letting go of his hand.

“I am scared” he cries, burying his head in Taehyungs’ neck.

“I know, but you have to trust me, alright? Nothing will happen to you”

After a moment, Jonah finally accepts to follow George but keeps on looking back at Taehyung until he disappears behind a corner.

“Follow me” Nathalie speaks before turning around.

Walking behind her, Taehyung loses himself in his memories. Seeing Jonah like this reminded him about bad days. He tries his best to forget the past and put it behind him, but sometimes he can’t, it’s too strong. He hates it and he hates himself even more because why is he so weak and useless?

Entering Nathalies’ office, Taehyung looks up. Namjoon and Jerry are sitting on the chairs near the desk. Irene is up, looking at some books. Another woman is here too, Amber, if he remembers well. They all look up at them, except for Namjoon who’s stubbornly starring at the ground. Taehyung hearts breaks a little, but he tries to hide it. There’s no time for this.

When George finally arrives, the meeting starts. The report on the mission comes first. 

“They never used gun before. At least not that openly. So why now?” asks Irene, confused.

“They probably changed their policy” Amber says.

Heavy silence falls on them. If they actually changed their policy, that would be dangerous. Very dangerous. Because what happened today was just the beginning of something worst. Something they’re all scared of and can’t do anything about.

“They’re on the move again” whispers Jerry, his nonchalant attitude replaced by a worried one.

Taehyung, who stayed silent until now, can’t hold back anymore.

“We need guns too then”

His voice resonates in the room. They all look at him like he was crazy.

“No, and this is not up to debate” Nathalie says, firmly.

She banned guns a long time ago, when things went ugly and the use of guns almost exposed them to the world. But how are they suppose the fight against guns with just bare hands? Not all of them have abilities that protect them from this kind of attack. Not all of them have useful abilities for fights and self-defence. They need new defences but no one wants to accept it. Nor admit it.

“We can’t defend ourselves without them anymore! Look at what happened today! A child is dead for Gods’ sake! They have guns and they use them and we die for nothing!”

Irene looks at him like he was someone different and he hates it but he can’t stay here and watch people die without at least try something. He doesn’t like guns, they scare him, but he will use them if it means protecting himself and saving peoples’ lives.

“We don’t die for nothing” Amber says “We die for something bigger than us, and you need to realize that”

Taehyung can’t stop the laugh that gets out of his mouth. Dying for something bigger seems so puerile. So futile.

“All I realize is that none of you care that a little girl died today. All I realize is that you’re treating a little boy like a dangerous criminal, but what did he do? What did he do other than watch his friend die in front of him and be attacked by two fully grown and armed men?”

The more he speaks, the more his voice gets high. He hates this situation, he hates feeling useless, he hates not being able to do something about anything.

“We care” says Nathalie, looking into his eyes “we care even if you don’t see it”

But Taehyung knows she’s lying.

 

-  


Getting in their apartment, Namjoon and Taehyung don’t talk. Taehyung is dying to say something, he’s dying for Namjoon to look at him and speak to him and tell him that everything will be alright, that he’s not angry at him anymore. But he won’t. He will stay silent and Taehyung will have to bear with it. They enter the kitchen. Namjoon pours himself a glass of water he drinks in one sip.

They face each other, not moving, not speaking. Taehyung is so tired. He’s so tired and he wants to cry but he can’t do it right now. He can’t be a mess when situations like this happen. He can’t be a whining mess at all. At least not in front of Namjoon. He swallows his saliva, blinks, takes a step forward. Namjoon narrows his eyes, not breaking eye contact. Slowly, Taehyung walks to him, hands and legs shaking. When he reaches him, when he can almost touch him, he stops. He stops and open his mouth like he’ll talk but no sounds get out of his mouth. He looks down, blinks, looks at Namjoon again.

“I am sorry”

The whisper fills the silent room like a hurricane. Nothing is heard but their breathes.

“I didn’t mean to” Taehyung speaks again.

He cups Namjoons’ face in his hand and gets closer. He’s shaking and can’t control it and doesn’t really care about it. All that matters is Namjoon and if yes or no he will forgive him for what he did, for what he said.

“I know I promised to try and never let something like that happen, but you know I can’t always control what I do”

His voice breaks at the end, but he doesn’t care. He needs Namjoon to understand that what happened, this episode, wasn’t him. He’s not a killer. He’s not a bad person. He doesn’t even like killing people. Right now, he hates himself for what he did but he can’t change the past and he has to live with his actions and move on and learn from it.

Namjoon looks away, eyes closed. Taehyung can’t bear with him being mad, he can’t have him away, he can’t have him hate him for something he can’t control. It’s not the first time Namjoon acts like this. Everytimes Taehyung has an episode, every time he loses control, he can’t stand it and stops talking to him. But what he doesn’t understand is that Taehyung needs him in those kinds of moments. He needs someone to understand him and love him, no matter what.

 He wraps his arms around his shoulders and hugs him tight. He pressed his body against Namjoons’ and wait for his friend to hug him back. And he does, after a moment. He takes him in his arms and breathe in his neck and doesn’t let go and tears are falling on his neck. They stay like this for a long time, appreciating the others’ warm and touch.

Taehyung relaxes. It’s fine. Things are going to be fine. This is all he needed. Namjoon is all he needed.

 


	2. #2

Since what happened during the mission, Taehyung keeps himself locked up. It’s been two weeks and the only moments he leaves the apartment is for college hours. Nothing else. His lack of sleep left him time to catch up on work he missed. He also almost finished the extra work Mr. Layhe gave him. Things with Namjoon are still strange. They don’t talk that much, don’t see each other that much either. But at night, when Taehyung can’t sleep, he goes to Namjoons’ room. If he’s there they cuddle until either Taehyung falls asleep or Namjoon as to go to the agency. When Namjoon is not here, Taehyung likes to sleep in his bed. Smelling his parfum makes him relax and he sleeps better. But he can’t always be in Namjoons’ personal space, so the last couple of days, he tried to let him breath, distancing himself.

He could bear with not talking to him. He could survive not seeing him. But what he had difficulties with was Namjoon having bad feelings about him or hating him. It was easier to be neutral than enemies.

One morning, as they were taking breakfast, Namjoon looked at Taehyung with this so familiar worry in his eyes.

“You’ve lost weight” he said

Taehyung didn’t say anything but he knew. He noticed it the morning before, while dressing up. What got him the most was his ribs. They were so visible. Since then, he kept on eating, even when he wasn’t hungry, hoping to gain weight again. He didn’t like how he looked when he was that thin.

The next days, the odd feeling of being followed got him again. He tried to ignore it but it was more and more difficult. Oppressing. At some point, he even believed he saw someone at his window again, but he put that on his lack of sleep. Why would someone stalk him anyway? He didn’t talk about it to Namjoon because he knew damn well how he would react.

But Taehyung couldn’t really think about anything like that too much because Mr. Layhe kept on asking him about the extra work. He insisted many times on seeing him in his office to talk about it, maybe even help him. Taehyung always refused. He didn’t want to bother his teacher by coming with nothing and taking his time.

On this Thursday, at the end of the day, three weeks later, he finally decides to go to his teachers’ office. He was done with his work expect for the last part because he didn’t understand it. Something about the mind being capable of things we couldn’t imagine yet or something like that. At the reception, he asks if Mr. Layhe’s here and when the woman tells him yes, he doesn’t wait. He’s so tired he could just sleep on the floor right now but he has to hand his work first. Then, and only then, he will go home and nap for an entire month.

Walking to the office, he feels his phone vibrates. Looking at the screen, he notices Nathalie’s name. He ignores it and continues his way. During those three weeks, Nathalie tried to call him a thousand times. She left him messages, telling him that Jonah was missing him, that he wanted to see him. His heart broke when he read it, but he was suspecting Nathalie to use the kid against him. Weirdly, Taehyung missed Jonah. He was worried about him but he couldn’t face him yet. He just prayed he had fun with the other kids and wasn’t treated badly.

What surprised him too was that Jerry went to see him. Jerry who hates going out the agency and face the world, went to see him. He knocked at their apartment door one night, with popcorn and films in his hands. They didn’t talk much, but just having his presence near him was enough.

Coming back to reality, Taehyung knocks at his teacher’s door. His phone vibrates again. Sighing, he barely looks at the screen, betting it’s Nathalie again. But it’s not. In fact, it’s Namjoon. After a second of hesitation, he’s ready to answer but Mr. Layhe opens the door. His smile is almost too big, his eyes way too bright for a simple meeting with a student but Taehyung doesn’t really pay attention. His teacher always looks happy so a bit or a less isn’t really the kind of thing Taehyung cares about. While sitting, he hears the door being locked but he’s too tired to worry about it. If he had more hours of sleep though, he would have known something was wrong. Who locks the door when talking to a student? Taking place behind his desk, Mr. Layhe crosses his fingers before him.

“So, Mr. Kim, how was the extra work I gave you?” he asks.

Taehyung looks at him with interrogation in his eyes. He couldn’t help himself but think that something was not as it should be. Something about Mr. Layhe. Shaking his head, he looks for the papers before handing it. He can’t think like that. He’s so exhausted he begins to be paranoid over nothing.

“I really liked it. It was hard, I am not going to lie, but it really taught me a lot of things”

Mr. Layhe nods before rapidly reading the papers. He nods again and looks up at Taehyung.

“It seems good, I’ll look forward to it” his smile gets a little colder when he speaks again “but I see you didn’t do the last part. Why?”

Taehyung blinks several times. Why didn’t he do it? Maybe because it was too close to home and he didn’t want to get involve in a work like that.

“It didn’t really make sense to me” he lies, crossing his legs “The opinion that the human brain is capable of doing some kind of special things is just absurd to me”

Mr. Layhe stars at him for a moment, his smile slowly fading away.

“Is that so?” he asks, sitting more comfortably in his chair “You don’t think the next step in human evolution is the brain changing? Developing other abilities?”

Uncomfortable, Taehyung scratches his neck. He doesn’t like the way this conversation is going.

“Other abilities? You mean like… super powers?”

“It could be a possibility indeed. We must stay open-minded”

Taehyung tries to mask his discomfort by laughing it out.

“I don’t believe in such things sir, I am sorry”

“Oh I don’t either, I am just saying that we can’t close our eyes on something even when we don’t like it”

They smile at each other before the teacher gets up and walks away. Taehyung sighs silently, happy that the conversation is over. A little more and he could have said something bad, something that would compromise him and the agency.

“Do you want some coffee?”

Taehyung hears Mr? Lahey trafficking the coffee machine for a moment. He appreciates what his teacher is doing but now that he handed his work, he really wants to sleep. They can talk about it later. So he turns around, ready to tell his teacher he’s going to leave but he freezes. There’s a needle in Mr. Layhes’ hand. How did a needle appear in Mr. Lahey’s hands?

“What the…”

He doesn’t have time to finish his sentence that Mr. Layhe presses the needle in his neck. Taehyung feels a burning sensation and tries to get away by punching the man, but he suddenly feels dizzy. His head spines a little and his eyes are slowly but surely closing. He tries to get up but his legs are too weak to support him so he falls on the ground. He brings the chair he was sitting in with him. There’s a loud sound when it falls.

Taehyung crawls to the door, trying to call someone for help, but it’s like he can’t speak. He feels his ankle being grabbed, turning him around. The man he thought was his teacher is looking down at him, a cold smirk on his face.

“Not believing in abilities” he says, laughing “you’re such a bad liar Taehyung. Don’t forget who you are”

Kneeling down, Mr. Layhe looks almost nostalgic.

“Jisoo will be so happy to see you again, you have no idea” he continues “she won’t believe how grown up you are now”

Taehyung shivers at the name. He doesn’t understand why he would say this name, doesn’t understand how he knows it but he doesn’t want to know the answer. He tries to call Namjoon mentally, but his mind refuses to work correctly. Mr. Layhe then grabs his arm and pulls him up, carrying him as to make people think he was helping him walk. Images are flying before Taehyungs’ eyes but he can’t decipher them. His mind is too confused.

They get out of the room, walking slowly. Taehyung vaguely hears a woman asking what’s wrong with him. Mr. Layhe then pretends he fainted and they’re now going to the hospital. _Liar, liar, liar, liar._ Taehyung wants to scream and call for help but his mind is too groggy to function.

After some time, they arrive at the parking lot. Mr. Layhe open his cars’ door and makes Taehyung sit.

“Don’t… want….” he mutters, trying to get out of the car.

What is happening? What is Mr. Layhe doing to him? _Namjoon…_ he tries to mentally call his friend again, out of desperation, but he’s not sure it’s working now either. He remembers the phone call and how he should have picked up the phone, let him know where he was, what he was doing. He lets his body fall out of the car, slowing Mr. Layhes’ action. He needs to slow him down, gain some time.

He hears the man swear before picking him up and closing the door. Now it’s bad. Really, really bad. The car soon starts moving. They’re leaving the parking lot but before that, Mr. Layhe takes out a second needle _. For what?_ Panicking, Taehyung tries to get away as far as he can but it’s no use. Grabbing his hair, the man leans his head to have better access to his neck. Trying to stop him, Taehyung grabs is forearms but it’s no use. Feeling the burning sensation again, he blinks and groans. His heart is beating fast and he doesn’t understand and he wants to run away but can’t.

“Don’t worry, it won’t kill you. I am only giving you small doses” says Mr. Layhe.

Turning his eyes to his, Taehyung sees determination but also disgust. Is his teacher disgusted by him?

“I want you to know and see the way home. I want you to remember” he continues, almost in a deep, insane voice.

_Home._ The word resonates in his mind _. Home._ What he refers to never felt like one. In fact, he never knew what a “home” was. Not until now. Not until the agency found him. It became his home, his world, his anchor. He can’t be taken away from it. He can’t.

He feels so cold, suddenly. Maybe he’s crying but his cheeks are so numb he can’t be sure and whatever if he is or not,  because it doesn’t matter. He wishes Mr. Layhe gave him more drug, more so that it would kill him. He doesn’t want to come back there. Wherever it is now. Panicking, he punches the car door with weak fists. _He wants out. He wants out. He wants out._

“Let…me… go” he groans in between broken breathes.

He sees the building pass before his eyes, the cars, the people, living a completely ignorant and happy life. He wants to scream, he wants them to notice the car, to notice him but the only sound that get out of his mouth is a small cry. It’s like a violent slap on his face, the realisation that no one will hear him in this condition. He calls Namjoon again, desperate to be saved. Desperate to survive what seems like hell.

After some time, they live the city and continue their way in the highway, then the countryside. Taehyung lost hope of getting away at this point. He stays still, doesn’t say anything, just cry in silence. After some time, in the middle of nowhere, Mr. Layhe stops the car. Not wasting any time, he gets a third needle out and Taehyung understands it’s time for the third injection.

He thinks fast. Now that he’s head is clearer, it could be is only chance to escape. He might still be weak and slow, they might be in the middle of nowhere, but he thinks it would be good enough. Concentrating, he clenches his fists but before he could move, a loud _BANG_ resonates in front of them. The sound makes Taehyung’s head spine. He feels like vomiting.

“What the fuck…” mutters Mr. Layhe before getting a gun out of the glove compartment.

Taehyung shivers. Is he going to die today? But Mr. Layhe gets out of the car, gun pointing at something.

“Who the fuck are you?” asks the teacher, his voice less powerful than before, as if he was scared of something

Blinking, Taehyung tries to focus on what is happening. When he’s eyes are focused enough, he sees a young man standing in front of the car. There’s a little smirk on his face and a smile in his eyes. He looks amused by the situation.

“I am Kim Seok Jin, nice to meet you sir”

Even his voice his full of joy. The wind caresses his hair and lets his forehead breath for a second.

“I think my friend here” he says while pointing at Taehyung “is in no condition to go anywhere. So I am taking him back”

At those words, Mr. Layhe shoots. The noise is painful to Taehyungs’ ears but he’s more worried for the boy who tried to help him. Is he dead now? When he looks up again, he doesn’t see anyone standing in front of the car. _Was he injured? Please don’t be injured._ As he’s praying for the boys’ life, he hears a little laugh.

“That was not very nice of you sir. I will now have to punish you for this”

The boy is standing in front of the car again. Taehyung wildly opens his eyes. _How did he do that?_ Mr. Layhe doesn’t seem to like it at all and starts shooting at him without stopping. But the boy disappears again. _Can he teleport himself?_ Looking at his no longer teacher, he sees panic in his eyes when he turns to face him. His loader is empty. Swearing, he tries to get back in the car but he’s violently send away. His scream his blocked in his throat as he flies a couple of meters away. Jin, the saviour of the day, he’s standing there, smiling, but visibly annoyed too.

“I hate guns, they make me exercise more” he mutters before turning to Taehyung.

His smile disappears when their eyes meet. He then walks towards him. Opening the door, he tries to help Taehyung but the latter backs off.

“Don’t…” he says when their hands enter in contact, but it’s too late. 

 

_An old man is sitting in a rocking chair. He’s reading a book but it falls from his hands. The man blinks and touches his chest, where his heart is. His face shows something like pain, discomfort, confusion. When he gets up, he trips and falls on the ground. He tries to stand up again, but he’s too weak to do so. So he stays on the floor, patiently waiting for death to come and take him._

The images stop. Taehyung is back to reality. He still can feel the pain in his own heart. He blinks several times before Jins’ face appears clearly in front of him. There’s worry and incomprehension in his eyes.

“Are you alright mate?” he asks, kneeling down.

Taehyung nods, getting away from his grip. He takes deep breathes, trying to stop the dizziness he feels.

“Told… not… touch…” whispers Taehyung, his voice shaking.

“Why? Do you kill people when they touch you?”

Touching his chest, palping it, he laughs. “Nop” he says “I am still here”

Jin seems amused by the situation, but Taehyung isn’t. There’s nothing to be amused by. Nothing. This situation isn’t funny at all. He opens his mouth to answer but movements on his right make him stop and tense again. A car parks not far away. He starts panicking again. He doesn’t understand the situation and he hates it and who even is this Jin? Who is Mr. Layhe or whatever his real name is? What is he going to do?

But the people coming their way aren’t enemies. When Taehyung spots Namjoon running towards him, his heart beats slower. He will be ok now. In a matter of seconds, Namjoon is kneeling in front of him, his hands cupping his face.

“Are you hurt? What did he do to you?”

Taehyung smiles slightly before shaking his head.

“Drugs…”

Controlling is anger, tightening his jaws, Namjoon helps him get up. Taehyung finally pays attention to the two other guys coming their way. The first one has red hair and a malicious face. He reminds him of Jin in some way. The other man, in the other hand, has an expressionless face. His white hair doesn’t help on making him friendly. Nor does the scar under his left eye, covering his entire cheek. He stares at them until the white-haired guy goes away, running to the direction Mr. Layhe was sent to.

“Who… are you?” Taehyung finally asks, his voice still weak “How… find… me?”

Leaning on the car, he looks at the three men standing in front of him. He may be safe for now, but this situation is still so confusing to him. Too many questions and no answers.

“You called me remember?” says Namjoon, pointing at his head.

“Thought… didn’t… work” mutters Taehyung, relief that his call was heard from so far away.

“Lucky for you it did” continues Namjoon “You should have answered the phone”

Taehyung is conscious of that. He already blames himself for it and having Namjoon pointing out at his mistake makes him angry, strangely, as if he needed to defend himself when he was just a victim. But how could he have known that his own teacher, someone he saw every week, someone he trusted, would try to kidnap him? How was he supposed to know? More importantly, why did he do this? Who was he really? Why him, from all people?

But Taehyung knows, deep down, why he was targeted. He knows and he hates it and he wants to run away far, far away, but he can’t because he has responsibilities here. People trust him. He can’t run away from himself for the rest of his life.

“When I heard you, Jin volunteered to rescue you” keeps on saying Namjoon.

Taehyung looks at Jin who smiles at him when their eyes meet.

“Using… teleportation?” he asks, remembering that the boy could appear and disappear at will.

“Nah, I just run super fast”

A sudden “NO” catches their attention. They turn their head at the same time to see the white-haired boy kneeling in front of Mr. Layhe. Blood is getting out of his throat. Jin runs to them and his face gets paler. Taehyung can see his lips moving but he can’t hear what they say. Coming back, Jin shakes his head.

“He’s dead”

Taehyung can’t help but gasp. What does he mean by “he’s dead”?

“He had a knife in one of his pockets, I guess. He cut his own throat”

Shaking, Taehyung falls down but Namjoon firmly keeps him in his arm. His voice is tense when he speaks.

“We need to go before someone sees us. Leave the body and the car”

 

-

 

Sitting on a bed in the infirmary, Taehyung lets Hyuna heal him. He feels better already but he has to stay here until she’s finished. The sensation of her hands on his head makes him think of the first time he touched her. They were young back then. Teenagers. Taehyung was pitiful and extremely lost and scared of everything and everyone. But Hyuna was nice and always there for him, even though he treated her like shit. She never gave up and insisted on helping him when he had nightmares and panic attacks.

The first physical contact they had was when Taehyung slapped her. He was angry and seeing her around him all the damn time pushed him to his limits. So he simply slapped her. He wanted her to go away and the only solution he could find at the time was to hurt her. What he saw when their skin entered in contact made him cry. It wasn’t sad tears but happy ones. He felt jealous and nostalgic and strangely calm. He stared at her for a moment before apologizing. It took her an entire week to speak to him again. But when she did, Taehyung felt happy for the first time in a while.

They separate for a while after Taehyung had his first episode. He doesn’t remember anything but he did something bad because it scared Hyuna to death. So much she couldn’t be in the same room as him nor did she want anything to do with him after that. She accepted to deal with him again only a couple of months ago, when he came back from a mission with a lot of injuries. He had to stay at the infirmary for a while, which allowed them to talk. A lot. Finding her again after all this time made him happy and he promised himself to always do his best and never let something like this happen again. But obviously he failed. Like always.

Once she’s done healing him, Hyuna takes a step back and smiles at him.

“You’re all good”

He thanks her before leaving, walking towards Nathalie’s office. He feels like he’s always there lately and he doesn’t like that. As he walks, he hears a little voice calling his name. Turning around, he sees Jonah running to him, a big smile on his face. Kneeling, Taehyung takes the little boy in his arms.

“How are you doing little guy?”

“You abandoned me” mutters Jonah, slapping Taehyung’s shoulder.

The young man laughs before brushing Jonahs’ hair.

“I know, sorry. I had things to do”

“What kind of things?”

Taehyung smiles before getting up. He can’t talk about this with a kid. Instead, he pushes him away, to the group of kids waiting for him.

“We will talk about it later. Go see your friends”

“Promised?”

“Yeah, promised”

With a timid smile, Jonah waves at him and goes back to his friends. Seeing him socializing makes Taehyung happy. Jonah needs friends like him, friends he can trust and talk to when needed. A couple of minutes later, Taehyung stops in front of Nathalies’ office. Closing his eyes, he breathes deeply. He then knocks and enters the room.

The office is full of people. Amber, George and Irene are standing behind Nathalies’ desk, speaking. Namjoon, Jerry, Jin and the two other boys are sitting on the chairs, silent. They all turn to him when he closes the door. Uncomfortable, not knowing what to do or what to say, he stays up, standing there like a statue.

After a moment, Nathalie gets up and walks to him. Her face is blank but her eyes are red, like she’s been crying. She takes him in her arms, hugging him tight. Surprised, Taehyung doesn’t move for a while before hugging her in return.

“I am glad you’re ok” she whispers in his neck.

When she leans back, she slightly touches his cheek before going back to her sit.

“We can star now”

She ties her hair up in a ponytail before crossing her hands on her desk.

“Not everyone is aware yet, so I am doing the presentation. We have three new members in the agency” she continues, pointing at the three new guys sitting before her.

“I am Jung Hoseok” says the red-haired guy “and this is Min Yoongi” he continues, pointing at the white-haired guy “and Kim Seok Jin”

Jin smiles big and waves at the audience like he’s in a show. Hoseok imitates him in a more reserve way. Yoongi, him, just nods. There’s a little silence before Irene speaks.

“Why are they here?”

“I called them because we clearly need back-ups right now” says Nathalie “They’re from the Seoul Agency”

After a short presentation of themselves, the three boys turn to Taehyung. In fact, everyone is turning to him, waiting for him to speak. Sighing, he tells them everything he remembers, except for what his so-called teacher said to him when they were still in the office. He’s not ready to let them know just yet. After an hour of discussing the various reasons why something like this would happen, Nathalie clears her throat.

“I want to talk to Taehyung in private, please” she says.

One by one, after some hesitation, they leave the room. Soon, Taehyung is alone with Nathalie. She looks at him like she can read him -which she can, after all those years- and Taehyung feels like a little child.

“You weren’t telling everything earlier, I am right?” she finally speaks.

Her tone isn’t accusing, but Taehyung can see in her eyes that she won’t leave him alone until he speaks. Sighing, he scratches the back of his neck. Better to tell her right away than making things more complicated.

“He said something to me when we were still in his office”

“What did he say?” she asks, her voice gentle.

“Jisoo will be so happy to see you again” he whispers, telling word for word what he was told.

He feels sick just saying her name. He feels sick seeing her in his mind. He feels sick to think that she’s still out there, looking for him. Swallowing his saliva, he looks up. Nathalie doesn’t say anything for a long time. She’s paler than usual, hands slightly shaking. She then gets up and takes his hands in hers.

“I want you to listen to me carefully Taehyung” she says, looking right into his eyes “I will never let that happen. I will never let her touch you again. Ever. If I need to kill her in order to protect you, I will”

Taehyung looks away. He feels like throwing up and his heart his beating fast and he’s suddenly too hot.

“You are safe here” she continues, cupping his face “People are here to protect you and look after you. Nothing can hurt you here”

A single tear falls down his eye. He stands up brutally, making Nathalie fall on the ground. Not looking back, he gets out of the room. He feels his head spinning and his legs shaking and he hits his head against the wall. Once. Twice. Maybe more. He then closes his eyes and punches the wall with his fist. There’s blood on the wall, blood on his hand. He closes his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. But they won’t.

Nathalies’ words are on repeat in his head and he can’t handle it. He can’t breathe and he can’t stand up so he lets himself fall on the ground, letting the panic take control of him. He can still hear Nathalies’ intonation, her sweet and clear voice, repeating itself, again and again, telling him the exact same words Jisoo used before she looked him up.  

 

 

______________________

 

 

For the following days, Taehyung was confine in the agency. He couldn’t go to college, couldn’t go on missions nor could he take a walk. The outside world became a fantasy, really. Amber told him they were checking everything in order to protect him. If Mr. Layhe -or whatever his real name was- had an accomplished or a link to NARSA, they needed to find out soon and take care of it.

Taehyung understood and was graceful, but he didn’t like the feeling of being locked. He missed his freedom more than ever. Luckily, Jonah stayed with him. He was glued to him. His ability wasn’t out yet, but if he was wanted, that was because he was special. So they needed to protect him against the world. Like Taehyung.

Surprisingly, he spent time with the three new members of the agency. They were nice guys and actually quite fun to be around. Jin and Hoseok didn’t miss any opportunity to mess with the kids and Yoongi followed them, unbothered, but with a discrete smile on his face. At first, Taehyung thought he was anti-social but it’s just that he didn’t like talking very much. A thing they shared in common.

He didn’t see Namjoon a lot either because he was always out, looking for clues. Taehyung could see that he had an anger in him he couldn’t hide and he was worried, but they never had time to talk about it. He also had a feeling that Namjoon was avoiding him and it made him uncomfortable, sad.

 After eight days, he can’t take it anymore. He looks for Amber -or even better, Nathalie- to ask her to leave him go outside before he explodes.  He finds Amber in the cafeteria during lunch, eating with two other women.

Taehyung stays there for a moment, looking at them for a moment before shaking his head, making his way to their tables. He salutes them politely before centring his attention to Amber.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

She stares at him for a moment before nodding. They walk out of the cafeteria and stop in the middle of the corridor. Or more like, Taehyung stops and Amber almost bumps into him. Not waiting any longer, Taehyung speaks his needs.

“Amber, I know you won’t agree with me, but please, please, you have to let me go outside. I am slowly but surely dying here”

She looks him with a blank face. He can’t decide if she’s angry or just bored.

“I know you are” she finally says, sighing “but you have to talk to Nathalie about this. I wasn’t the one giving the order”

Taking a deep breath, Taehyung closes his eyes. He knew that. Nathalie gives every order, has a word on anything that happens but he hoped that Amber had a little power over this situation. She apparently doesn’t. Fine. He’ll talk to Nathalie then.

“I am sorry Taehyung, but you know how she is”

Yeah, that he knew, for sure. Nodding, he thanks her before walking toward Nathalies’ office. Hoping she was in, he knocks at the door. After a second of silence, he knocks again.

“She’s not here”

Jumping away from the door, Taehyung looks around him. A little blond-haired girl is staring at him, a glass of water in her hands. Seeing the look of confusion on the young man’s face, the girl points at the office door.

“Nathalie is not here for now. She went out”

“Oh, ok… thanks” he responds, his voice lower.

Nodding, the little girl goes away, passing through the opposite wall. Frowning, Taehyung makes his way back to the cafeteria. Nathalie never goes outside. If she did, it must be for something important. Did they find something about what happened? He hopes so. The sooner they find answers, the sooner he can go outside.

“Taehyung!”

Hearing his name being shout, he turns around and finds Jin running to him.

“What’s up?” he asks, not certain about how to interpret the other boys’ smile.

“Come train with us”

Surprised, he looks behind Jin. Hoseok and Yoongi are walking their way. Training with them? Why? Most importantly: how? He can’t touch Yoongi and Hoseok for sure. But he can touch Jin now and he’s in a desperate need of something to do to release his agitation. Sighing, he nods and follows them to the training room 28. Changing his sweatshirt for a long-sleeved shirt and his jeans for sweatpants, he takes time to observe the other boys.

Jin is tall and even if he’s slim, his muscles are visibly strong. Hoseok is a little smaller and has more of a square figure but he doesn’t doubt that he could kill him with a surprising speed of he wanted to. Yoongi, he, is clearly the smallest of them all but gives an impression of big strength and complete control that makes Taehyung wonders what he looks like when fighting.

Getting out of the locker rooms, Taehyung doesn’t forget to put gloves on. Those are on all the practice rooms, not only for him but for all the people who, like him, have complicated abilities. Yoongi glances at him for a second before going to the sandbag.

“Are you a good fighter?”

Stopping himself from starring, Taehyung turns to Hoseok. The latter is looking at him with a smirk on his face, like he’s ready to jump at him. Shrugging, he looks at the ground.

“I am ok”

Taehyung never liked fighting -especially because of his ability. He was never the best, but never the worst either. He’s average, and it’s well enough for him. He just needed to know how to get away if he was ever attacked since he was never put in the front line anyway. What he liked thought, was the feeling of peace that comes with the way his body moves with ease and rapidity. Most of the time, he trains with Namjoon, sometimes with Jerry too. Irene was his partner for a time, before she was injured.

“Fight with me then”

Coming back to reality, Taehyung stares at Hoseok for a second, clenching his jaws. _Here we go._

“It’s better if not”

Jin and Hoseok look at him, confusion and interest mixed in their eyes. Taehyung mentally prepares himself for the questions that will follow his statement. People always ask questions.

“Why? Is it because you don’t want to be touched or touch people?”

The difference between the usage of “want” and “can’t” makes Taehyung shiver. So they noticed. It might mean nothing to others, they might not understand the difference, but it’s everything to him. Closing his eyes, he nods. Lying would be useless.

“Why are some people allowed to touch you, then?” continues Hoseok

Sighing again, Taehyung scratches his neck.

“That’s different”

“How is it different?”

Looking at the boy, he silently asks him to stop questioning him. Jin takes a step forward, his eyes darker than before.

“Can you touch me?”

They look at each other for a moment before Taehyung nods.

“Why can you touch Jin and not the rest of us?”

This time, it’s Yoongi who asked the question. Turning to him, Taehyung swallows hard. There’s no way he can get away with this.

“Because we touched once, the day my… teacher… kidnaped me”

Now they’re even more confuses. _Great job Taehyung, really great fucking job._

“Look, it’s complicated. All I can say is that once I touched someone I…” he stops, looking for the proper words to use “To simplify things: I don’t like the first touch, ok? Touch me once and you can touch me all you want after that”

This explanation doesn’t make sense either, he knows, but it’s the best he can do right now. The best he can do, period. Hoseok makes a nose sound, frowning.

“You’re not making any sense, you know that?”

“What happens when you touch people?”

Taehyung looks up at Yoongi, whose eyes are now darker, if that’s even possible, considering that they’re very dark to begin with.

“What do you feel?” he continues “What do you see?”

They stare at each other for a long time after this. Tension grows up quickly and it’s like the world around them disappears. There’s only the two of them in the room now. Taehyung feels like Yoongi can read him like an open book and he doesn’t like that. He doesn’t like the fact that Yoongi seems to see and notice every detail, every insignificant action. He doesn’t like how vulnerable he makes him feel and probably look. They got closer to each other and Taehyung only notices it when he’s dragged away from the other boy.

“Arguing won’t take us anywhere people” says Jin, his voice firm.

Taehyung clears his throat and looks at the ground. What would he have done if Jin didn’t stop him? Probably something stupid and ridiculous, like always.

“He’ll talk to us when he’s ready”

Looking at Taehyung, he continues.

“I’ll fight with you”

 

-

 

Two hours later, Taehyung is sitting in Nathalies’ office. His body hurts and his muscles are screaming, but he feels relax. He took all his stress away by training with Jin and he feels better now. It’s a weird feeling to him, peace and quiet, but he really likes it. He definitely appreciates himself more like this than closed up.

 “I can’t let you go out” Nathalie speaks “It’s too dangerous”

Her voice is firm, her face blank, but Taehyung can see in her eyes that she’s worried and tired.

“You can’t hide me forever. If they can’t find me outside, they will come in here and I don’t want to put everyone in danger”

Even though he will try everything to get out, he’s not lying when he says this. Because he knows he’s right. If NARSA is really after him again, they will never stop. They will come here and make a mess just to take him and he can’t let them do that.

“They will never be able to come here”  
“You know they will Nathalie. They’re better than us, don’t pretend it’s the other way around”

She stares at him for a second before shaking her head.

“I can’t allow this. I won’t put you at risk”

“I am always at risk”

That also is the truth. Ever since he joined the agency, he was at risk and was a risk for others. That never stopped her from protecting him. But he’s grown now, he knows what he’s doing and he’s not afraid anymore. At least, he thinks he’s not.

“Give me a bodyguard if you want, make your men follow me, do what you want but please, let me out. I don’t know what I will do if I stay inside longer”

She stays silent for a while, thinking about the good and the bad.

“I’ll stay with Namjoon” he continues, pulling out his last card “He won’t leave my side and I won’t do anything else than go to college and come right back at the apartment. I swear. Please”

She closes her eyes, hiding her face into her hands. Taehyung silently prays for her to agree with him because he can’t do this anymore. He needs to breathe again.

“I am scared for you, you know?” she whispers, looking up at him.

When their eyes meet, he can’t stop but think that she seems vulnerable, almost fragile.

“You’re overprotecting me and it’s not healthy”

 

-

 

A smile on his face, Taehyung stares at his bedrooms’ ceiling. He’s back at his apartment now, and he’s never been happier. It feels good to be back. Looking at his alarm clock, he sees it’s late at night now but he can’t sleep. Too much emotions kept him awake. Getting up, he walks to Namjoons’ room. He hesitates before knocking because he might be asleep, but Taehyung needs to see his friend. Needs to talk to him. Feel him. It’s been too long since they had a minute together.

He opens the door slowly, not wanting to wake him up in case he was really sleeping. Taking little steps, he lies down on the bed, hugging Namjoon tight. He missed the sensation of their skin touching. He missed smelling his parfum. He missed his strength. Inhaling deeply into his neck, he closes his eyes, trying to sleep. He suddenly feels Namjoons’ arms pulling him closer and he follows the movement with a slight smile. They stay like that for a moment before Taehyung feels Namjoon shaking.

“Are you ok?”

The whisper resonates in the silent room like a gunshot. Namjoon is always ok, always strong and powerful. Having him shaking doesn’t feel right.

“You scared me, you know?” says Namjoon.

They don’t look at each other, but Taehyung can hear the trembling voice and imagine the face he must make right now.

“When you called for help the other day… it was like… hearing you die”

Getting up, Taehyung sits, looking right at Namjoon. Him too is shaking now.

“It was awful”

He closes his eyes when he hears the crack of his voice. He didn’t know how Namjoon felt. He had no idea he scared him like that. Not to the point that he’d be shaking, scared and letting his feelings speak for a change. Taehyung hates seeing him like that, he hates that he’s the one making him sad and worried. He hates that he relies on him so much without being able to help him in return. He’s useless to him, he knows it and he wants to do more but doesn’t know how. Namjoon soon sits up too and Taehyung cups his face in his hands, then moves his fingers in his hair.  

“I never want to hear you call out for help like that ever again”

Getting closer to him, Taehyung forces the eye contact. It’s dark in the room but Taehyung can see Namjoons’ eyes shaking, he can imagine the worry and the fear and the love in them. Giving him a sad smile, he brushes their nose together.

“We both know you will”

These words are so dangerous but so terribly true and it makes Taehyung want to scream and punch something and crawl on the ground but he closes his mind to the feelings. He shouldn’t have said this, he shouldn’t have been so franc but he wants Namjoon to remember and never forget and make promises he probably won’t be able to keep. It’s incredibly painful and his heart is hurting him and tears are ready to fall but he supresses all of that to only focus on Namjoon. Namjoon and his shaking body. Namjoon and his heavy breathes. Namjoon and his hands on his waist. Namjoon and his face getting closer.

“Stop talking”

When their lips meet, it’s all shaky and confuse and rushed but it’s also soft and full of unspoken words. All of their fear, worry, love and regret are passing through that one kiss and Taehyung shivers even more when Namjoon lies him down on the bed, pulling himself on top. His weight feels good, and he asks for more and he gasps when it’s given to him. Then, he forgets about everything that is not Namjoons’ lips, arms, hands, back, waist, butt. He loses himself in the feelings, the sensations, the pleasure, the sounds. The love.

 

-

 

When he wakes up, he’s alone in the bed. It’s soon to be midday and his stomach screams its hunger. Getting up, he dresses up before making is way to the kitchen. Boiling water, he eats a cookie. Sunrays are caressing his face and he closes his eyes, enjoying the feeling of peace. As he’s putting some pastas in the boiling water, his phone rings. Looking at who it is, Taehyung smiles at Namjoons’ name.

He answers, happy to be able to talk to his friend again, like before. They won’t mention what happened last night, they never do. It’s a thing they do sometimes, when the pressure is too much or when they feel a certain need for intimacy. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. It’s just something they do.

But when Namjoon speaks, it’s not what he wanted. Or needed.

“Get out of the apartment”

He seems out of breath. His voice is shaking. Confused, Taehyung gets out of the kitchen, not minding the pastas. His stomach clenches, but this time, it’s not from hunger.

“Get out now and run to the agency”

Taehyung nods but forgets Namjoon can’t see him.

“Did you hear me Taehyung? Get out NOW”

Ending the phone call, Taehyung grabs a jacket before making his way out. He doesn’t know why he has to run away or what happened that made Namjoon react like that, but it’s not good. At all. Rushing out of the building, he runs and bumps into someone. Glancing at the woman he pushed, he makes sure she’s not hurt.

When she looks up at him, his body freezes. He can’t breathe. Shaking, he takes a few steps back. This can’t be happening. No. Not today. Not again. It can’t…

“Don’t be here” he whispers in between broken breathes.

Smirking, the woman jumps at him. Reacting in the second, Taehyung avoids the punch by moving to the left. Not thinking, he grabs her wrist, twists her arm and blocks it behind her back.

“Why are you here?” he screams to her.

He hates how is voice is trembling but he can’t stop it. It’s unreal, like a dream, a nightmare.

A nightmare.

Yes. That’s it. A nightmare. It’s just a nightmare. He almost wants to laugh at the thought. Of course it’s a nightmare, as always. He’s going to wake up. When he will open his eyes, Namjoon will be laying right next to him, his hair messy, his morning voice singing in his hears. Yes _. Just a Nightmare Taehyung. Just a nightmare. Wake up now._

But he’s pushed back into reality when the woman’s’ skull hits his nose. Screaming out in pain, he lets her go. As she’s jumping on him again, she’s suddenly pushed against the wall. Falling, she shakes her head, tries to get up. Jin suddenly appears in front of her, a baseball bat in his hands. Looking down at her, he hits her head. Twice. Blood is spreading around her head.

“I am taking her to the agency before she dies” says Jin, looking at Taehyung, out of breath “You wait for Namjoon here. You don’t move”

Sitting on the ground, he watches Jin carry the woman in his arms and run away. His hands are pressing his nose, catching the blood. He doesn’t know how long he waits until Namjoon arrives but when he sees him, he runs to him.

“Are you ok?” Namjoon asks, cupping his face.

Taehyung nods and follows his friend to the car. The ride to the agency is silent and full of tension and it’s only when they park in front of the building that Taehyung notices Hoseok, in the back sits, unconscious.

“What happened to him?” he asks as Namjoon caries him inside.

“She drugged him, probably thinking he was you”

Shivering, he follows him under the ground and into the infirmary. He feels cold but tries to keep an emotionless mask on his face. He can’t lose his mind right now. He needs to focus and understand the situation. Entering the room, Namjoon looks around.

“Hyuna?!”

“I am here”

Following the sound of her voice, Taehyung sees her healing the woman who attacked him. He feels sick for a second. He doesn’t want her to be healed. He wants her to be dead. Why didn’t Jin keep hitting her? Why didn’t he kill her?

“Hoseok needs cares”

“Put him in one of the beds, I’ll take care of him right after”

Looking around, watching Hyuna working and George walking back and forth in front of the bed, Taehyung notices that someone is missing.

“Where’s Yoongi?”

“He stayed at your college”

“My college? Why were you there?”

Putting Hoseok down, Namjoon stares at Taehyung.

“We went to check on your teacher’s office again, see if we missed anything. She attacked us there”

Turning is gaze at her, he continues.

“She too much have been looking for something. Or someone”

 

-

 

Two hours later, in one of the empty practice room, Nathalie, Namjoon, Taehyung, Hoseok and Jin are staring at the woman. Still unconscious, they made her sit in a chair in the middle of the room. They’re waiting for her to wake up so they can ask her questions. If she doesn’t cooperate, Namjoon will have no other choice than read her mind and find what they’re looking for. Yoongi came back not so long ago with files in his hands and George went to check them out with him.

A couple of minutes later, the woman starts moving. Groaning, she blinks several times. Looking around, she finally understands where she is. Walking toward her, Nathalie looks down at her.

“What’s your name?”

The woman stays silence, not looking anywhere but the ground. Her breathe is shaking, just like the rest of her body.

“Why did you attack Taehyung?”

Nathalies’ voice gets higher by the words, but no one cares. She gets closer and pulls her hair to make her look into her eyes.

“What the fuck do you want from him?”

The woman’s’ eyes darken and a rictus appears on her face. Staring at Nathalie like she’s disgusted, she spits on her.

“Don’t touch me you monster”

She then laughs, her eyes crazy. The rest of the group stays silent, but Taehyung feels the urge to strangle her and feel her breath stop and see her lips turning blue and break her neck and see her life leaving her eyes and… _Stop. Taehyung, calm down._ Namjoons’ voice resonates in his head and he looks at him. They speak with their eyes, focus on only them, when Nathalie comes back. Wiping of the spit away, she glances at Namjoon.

“She won’t give us anything. Read her mind, we have no time to lose”

The young boy nods without breaking eye contact with Taehyung. Breathing slowly, the latter nods in return. He won’t do anything stupid. Not now at least. But he can’t promise anything for later.

“No!” suddenly screams Namjoon, running to the woman “Hoseok!”

The latter runs towards her too, his hand outstretched but it’s too late. White lather is getting out of her mouth and she convulses so much the chair falls on the ground.

“Someone gets Hyuna here right now!” screams Nathalie, her hands around the woman face.

Taehyung doesn’t hear anything anymore. He just stares at her, dying, taking her secrets in the grave with her. Poison. Typical NARSA strategy. He blocks his lungs, stopping air, stopping his breathe. He stays still, not breathing, until he sees stars and his head is spinning. He waits a little more and only then breathes again. He has to speak up.

“I knew her”

His voice is low but strangely steady. Everyone turns to look at him, confusion in their eyes. Only Nathalie and Namjoon know what he means by this. Only them understand the gravity of the situation.

“She worked for them”

 


	3. #3

Taehyung always found her pretty. Her long red hair, her freckles, her little puffy nose, her big green eyes, her little smile at the corner of her mouth. She also had a sweet voice. Very different from what he heard earlier. Her hands were soft, too. Her features delicate. But death does not suit her. At all. Her skin is too white, almost translucid, her blue lips contrast way too much with her pale face. Her slim figure seems withered. He’s been staring at her for a long time now. Hours maybe. He can’t stop.

He keeps seeing her moving around. He keeps remembering her in her uniform, giving orders, glancing at him, giving other orders, slapping the other kids, throwing them against the walls and against the ground. She was a strong woman, even when she looked so tiny. People were afraid of her. Taehyung was afraid of her. The fact that she looked so incredibly nice but was actually a monster was what scared him the most.

She was like a mermaid. Beautifully dangerous. And he always wanted to kill her. But he didn’t have that chance.

Slightly, he brushes the back of his fingers against her cheek, feeling her coldness, feeling her death. Slowly, his hand goes down to her jaw, her chin, her throat. He places his whole hand on it, squeezing it a little, imagining. If he had the chance to strangle her, what would he have felt? Would it feel good to have her under him, struggling, looking for air? He would have enjoyed killing her, he thinks. He would have liked to see the fear in her eyes after she understood there was no way out. He would have enjoyed the feeling of her throat breaking under his hands, the little sounds getting out of her mouth, her nails scratching his forearms, her body stopping to move, the final breath.

He would have enjoyed killing her like she enjoyed killing his friends. Instinctively, his hand tightens around her neck. He’s strangling her without noticing it, too absorb in the contemplation of her face.

He takes his hand away when he hears the doors opening. Shaking a bit, he blinks. Looks at his hand. Almost amazed. He takes back what he thought before. He has the potential to become a killer. They made him a killer, back then. And it scares him.

“Taehyung?”

He glances at the door. Yoongi is staring at him. His white hair reflects the light of the room, hide half of his eyes, but not his scar. Taehyung follows it all the way to the middle of his cheek. A straight line, precise, clean, beautiful. The one who did that to him knew what they were doing.

“The meeting is about to start”

Taehyung doesn’t say anything for a moment, keeping his eyes on the scar. Then, he nods. They walk in silence all the way to Nathalies’ office and they enter without knocking. Nathalie is sitting at her desk, her hair usually perfect now living a free life. She’s paler than ever. Namjoon, Jin and Hoseok are whispering to her, Amber and George are silent, waiting in a corner. Jerry and Irene are not here. Strange. When Namjoon finally sees him, he walks to him and hugs him tight. It’s weird because they never hug in front of people. Affection is only showed in their intimacy.

“We found something” Namjoon says, taking a few steps back.

Taking place in the seats, Taehyung only looks at Nathalie, who doesn’t look at him back.

“Before we begin, Taehyung, tell us what you know about that woman”

Blinking, he looks down at his hands. He knows he has to speak up and tell everything but he doesn’t like the fact that so much people will know such private things about him. The things he’s going to say, he doesn’t want anyone to know about them. He doesn’t want the pity that will appear in their eyes when they’ll put the pieces together, he doesn’t want them to see him in a different way when they’ll understand. But he doesn’t have a choice.

“He name was Clarisse Gilroy”

His voice doesn’t shake anymore. His fear is gone the moment she died.

“She was a member of NARSA, as you all can guest by now”

He takes a deep breath, looking for the right words to use.

“I am sure you all know that NARSA is looking for a cure that would make abilities disappear. And to do so, they take little children, homeless people, dying people with abilities, experiment on them, test them and so on. They’re not considerate like humans but rather like animals they can torture all they want. The… subjects… no one knows they exist, no one wants them nor will reclaim them if they disappear”

He stops for a second, taking a deep breath. Talking about the kids reminds him of all the people he’s lost and saw die and heard scream in pain. The sounds he will never forget. He hears them in his dreams. The faces, the blood, the memberless bodies, the cages, the electric chairs, the bad food. He sees them all too and will always do.

He thinks of Jonah, next. Imagines him behind bars, being tortured, crying in pain. Shivering, Taehyung clears his throat. He shouldn’t be thinking about that. He shouldn’t think of the fact that Jonah is one of the lucky orphans.

“She was in charge of guarding the kids” he continues “Make sure they don’t escape, kill themselves or worst, kill one of the scientists”

Because yes, a scientist death was more important than a child’s’. A kid is easy to replace. The doctors aren’t. The more he talks, the more memories are coming back.

“I believe she was looking for me when you found her in Mr. Layhes’ office”

“Why would she be looking for you?”

Taehyung turns to Jin. They stare at each other in silence. There’s something in Jins’ eyes, but Taehyung can’t identify what it is.

“Because I was under her… care… when I was locked up in NARSA’s laboratories”

“You… they experimented on you?” asks Hoseok, his voice deepening.

“They did”

The silence is heavy. Taehyung doesn’t like it. He wants people to speak, to say something, to make noise. He wants them to do something, not just stare at him.

“Is that all you can say about her?” asks George

“I thought she was dead” says Taehyung, shaking his head “The day you came and saved me, the building collapsed, remember? I didn’t see her get out so I thought she died that day. But she didn’t”

Namjoon takes his hand in his and squeezes it. Taehyung smiles at him, thankful to have him here. Nodding, Nathalie gets up to show photos on the wall.

“When Namjoon told you we found something, he was talking about that”

The photos picture a large and fancy building. People are walking in front of it, visibly busy and in a hurry. Judging by the clothes they wear, they’re in the business area. Every suit looks perfect, every heels look sharp. _Strepsil Industry_ is writing in capital letters at the front doors.

“We took those photos after the information found in files Mr. Layhe left in his office. We’re almost sure he was a member of NARSA too. There would be no other explanation”

Yes, he was part of the corporation, Taehyung is sure of it. How could he have known about Jisoo otherwise? How could he have known who he was? What he was capable of? Mr. Layhe was working with those people. But Taehyung can’t reveal that without talking about Jisoo. And he would rather die in horrible pain before doing so.

For the rest of the time, they talk about the building: what was its use, its actions, its CEO, its business trend. They also look at the map Amber brought with her, showing every enters and exits. They talk about the security system, the number of guards and all so on. They were discussing a way of infiltration.

“We need to hack their system to find out if there’s an actual link with NARSA. And if so, we need to look into it and find their new main building.” says George, hands on the desk.

“How can you be sure you’ll find any clues?” asks Yoongi, sceptical “we don’t know anything about this place. It could be nothing for all we know”

Taehyung doesn’t say anything, but he was asking himself the same question. How could they be sure this building was related to NARSA in any way? It’s not unusual for them to have files on other industries and laboratories. They’re always looking for new places to be. This could be a simple business move. It’s impossible to track them if they’re everywhere.

“That’s all we have” says Nathalie, sadness in her eyes “This building is the only clue we have, the only hope left. It could be nothing, I know, but I am ready to risk it because what if, in the end, it’s something?”

 

-

 

_Clarisse is laying down on the floor. She’s not moving. Not breathing. Her face is way too white, her lips way too blue. Her eyes wild open. She’s staring at him through death and he can feel her hands on his face, his hair, pulling him. The wind caresses her face, making her hair cover her face. There’s no sound, nothing but absolute silence. And then, she’s up. Walking to him like she’s drunk, legs shaking, she comes his way. He tries to turn away and run but he can’t. It’s impossible to move. Looking down at his feet, he sees hands, getting out of the ground, grabbing him, not letting him go. Looking up, he meets Clarisses’ eyes. She’s just in front of him, smiling. He can smell the scent of death coming out of her. Blood his escaping from her mouth._

_“She’s coming”_

 

When he wakes up, Taehyung is shaking, covered in sweat and crying. It’s been six days since Clarisse’s death, and his nightmares are getting worst. Everytimes he closes his eyes, he sees her, or the laboratories, or the other children or the scientists. He’s tired but doesn’t complain. He must live with it. With the memories. With the feelings. He accepted to stay in the agency again at one condition: a personal room. He didn’t want to sleep in the dormitory with the other people, not when he would wake up screaming every night.

Getting up, he starts dressing up, ignoring the early hour. Opening his door, he finds Yoongi waiting there, heads up, eyes fixed on the ceiling. Seeing him like that, in front of his door, reminds him of how he got into all of this.

Being accepted on the infiltration mission wasn’t an easy task. They all refused to let him participate because it was “too dangerous” and he was “an easy target”. They were right, of course, and Taehyung hated it, but he wanted to be part of this mission, no matter what. He wanted answers, names, reasons, and he wanted to be in the front line. He didn’t care how dangerous it was, how at risk he would be put at because his safety was the last of his worries. He wanted in, and he would do anything to reach his goals.

He spent his entire days sitting in Nathalies’ office, in silence, patiently waiting for her to look at him, acknowledging his presence and his desire to talk to her. But she did none of that. She never looked at him, never cared about him. Taehyung never let go. She was stubborn, but he was even more. Being locked up for years and having no one to talk to helps you getting used to silence and ignorance.

One day, in a terrible mood after a horrible nightmare, Taehyung entered Nathalies’ office once again, ready to take a sit. But there were people in, too. The usual gang. All preparing the mission. Without him. Glancing at Namjoon, he felt like vomiting. Even him have let him down.

He wasn’t really surprised to be honest. Namjoon was always Nathalies’ favorite dog, after George. Since he knew there were no way he could talk to her and make her change her mind, he decided to change his approach. And he was certain it would work.

“I’ll go on my own”

His voice was clear, firm, neutral. He didn’t know if his assurance was fake or not anymore, but he didn’t hate it. Better be a fake than a weak. Sighing, Nathalie shook her head. Didn’t even bother looking at him.

“No, you won’t”

Her voice was firm too, but somehow tired. Good. If she was weaker, it would be a piece of cake. Daring, he smirked.  

“You won’t be able to stop me”

From the corner of his eyes, he saw the others tensing at his words. Especially Namjoon. Good. He wanted them to take him seriously, and the only way to make them, was to play with his unstable mind. It gets them every time. He didn’t really like playing with his mental health, but it can be a good friend at times, surprisingly.

“I’ll assign you guards then”

This time, her voice seemed to shake a little. And she still didn’t look at him.

“I would kill them trying to get out, you know it”

This was a lie and not a lie. Taehyung didn’t want to kill people from the agency, didn’t want to have more blood on his hands, but this mission was more important than two men dying. And he was willing  to do anything, including killing.

Everyone looked up at him, chocked, but his eyes were staring at Nathalie. She was the only one he cared about at the time. He had things to say and having an audience didn’t bother him. Not at all.

“Leave us”

Her order was taken seriously, and everyone left the room, even if they clearly didn’t want too. Taehyung felt that Namjoon was trying to communicate with him, but he blocked his mind. He didn’t want to talk to him nor hear what he had to say. A minute later, they were finally alone and ready to talk. Watching her sit down, he smirked again.

“I’ll go with you, no negative respond wanted”

Nathalie closed her eyes, like she was ready to go to sleep.

“And what if my answer is still no? What would you do?”

“Like I said, I’ll go on my own”

“And what would you do then? How are you going to have access to the informatic system?”

That was an easy question, because that’ wasn’t the plan he would go with. She definitively didn’t know him.

“I’ll just tell them my name” he said, a laugh in his voice “If they’re really part of NARSA, they’ll know who I am”

His revelation got her chocked. She brutally got up and hit her desk with the palm of her hands. Shaking.

“Are you mad? You don’t actually think about doing this, don’t you?”

“I do”

“If they’re really related to NARSA, you’ll be taking away with no way to escape”

He nodded. He knew that. He knew that was a very stupid plan, but what else could he do? They wanted him and would do anything -even mistakes- to have him. They wouldn’t back down on him.

“I know, but if I disappear, you’ll have your answer”

She stared at him like she didn’t know him anymore. That hurt him, but he tried not to think about it. He had worst experiences before. He could do this with ease.

“Don’t do this”

“Let me in then”

“No”

“Fine then”

And on that, he walked to the door.

“I’ll do things to you Taehyung”

Nathalies’ voice was as cold as the worst winter and that was how he knew. He had won. Turning to her, he challenged her to go further. To talk more. To cross the line.

“What things?”

Biting her lips, she didn’t respond. Her entire body was stoic, except for her hands. They were shaking like crazy.

“What things Nathalie?”

“I’ll lock you up. I’ll lock you up and drug you, even, if I need to”

He stopped breathing for a time. He was aiming for this to happen. He wanted her to say that, to push her so much she would have no other choice. Her only weakness was him, he knew it, knew how to play with it. Manipulating her was always an easy thing to do. But it still hurt him to hear her say that. It hurt to actually know that this is something she would really do. With no hesitation.

“I won’t let you go”

Her whisper was full of sadness and he could see the tears she was holding back. His heart hitched him from seeing her like that, but he couldn’t stop now.

“How are you any different from them then?”

This. That was his final card. Comparing her to the people she hated the most would break her. And he needed to break her in order to get in.

“How are you not acting like my mom did? How are you not the exact same piece of shit when you want to lock me up and fucking drug me?”

She couldn’t hold back anymore. Tears were running down her face and her lips were shaking and she sobbed like a child. She couldn’t look at him anymore. Watching her cry for a time, he tried to think about the future. He wanted to cry too, he wanted to stop all of this but their enemies were ready to do anything. So, them too, had to be ready to do anything too. They couldn’t stay hidden forever, not anymore. They needed to fight back and save their lives. No matter the price they would have to pay for it.

Taking control of her body again, after some time, Nathalie looked up at him. Even if she was still crying, she seemed calmer.

“You’re wrong Taehyung. I would never…”

“You would. You’re thinking like them. You’ve just talked like them. You’re becoming them”

Walking towards him, she grabbed his arms and shook him a bit.

“I will NEVER be like them!”

Getting away from her grip, he cupped her face between his hands. Looking inside her eyes like he was reading her mind.   
  
“I’ve been locked up for six years Nathalie. I’ve seen them work, heard them talked, studied them. I know them better than I know myself. So don’t you dare tell me that I don’t recognize their influence on people”

Not waiting for her answer, he walked out of the room and ran to an empty practice room. There, he pushed the sandbag until he couldn’t feel his fists anymore, until his arms screamed for a break and his head was killing him.

The next morning, Yoongi was waiting for him in front of his door, heads up, eyes fixed on the ceiling, ready to take him to practice.

They’ve been preparing for the infiltration non-stop since then, training every day and memorizing every details of the building. They needed to be perfectly prepared if they wanted to have a chance, even a tiny one, to succeed.

All Taehyung had to do, paired up with Yoongi, was to open the service doors so that Jin could quickly enter and plug a USB card into the informatic system. It was simple, but risky. They don’t have to fight anyone, they don’t have to run, they don’t have to be afraid. They just needed to play their role the calmer they could and everything would be alright.

The day before the intervention, Yoongi knocks at Taehyungs’ door. Letting him enter, he glances at him, not sure of what the other boy could want. Sitting on the only chair of the room, Yoongi look into Taehyung eyes.

“How do you feel?”

Taking place on his bed, Taehyung shrugs his shoulders. He doesn’t really know how he feels, what he should feel. He’s tired, but also determined to find answers. He might even be the one who wants to find clues the most. Not Nathalie, but him. Him and him again because his world turns, or used to turn, around NARSA and their ambitions of curing something nature herself created.

He’s tired of always relying on others, always be put in the back and not be able to participate. He feels useless and he wished he wasn’t that weak. Or unstable. God, he wished he wasn’t unstable.

“I am alright. Anxious about tomorrow I guess”

Yoongi nods, still looking at him.

“Everything will be fine. You’ve studied the plan until you could recite it in your sleep. Just stick to what we have to do and we’ll be gone in no time”

Taehyung is happy to hear those kinds of words. Happy to have someone believing in him and his capacity. The others, they never truly trusted him, always doubting him, always scared of what could happen if they didn’t watch him 24/7. But not Yoongi. There’s nothing of that attitude in him and that’s a breath of fresh air.

Strangely, the more time he spends with the white-haired boy, the more comfortable he feels. It’s a weird feeling.

They speak a little more after that, until Namjoon enters the room. Taehyung and him finally had a talk and decided to start over, on good vibes, a couple of days after he joined the mission. Taehyung turns to him and smiles, but Namjoons’ eyes are stuck on Yoongi. The two boys stare at each other for a second before the latter gets up in silence. Turning to Taehyung, he smiles at him.

“Try to sleep tonight, we need you ready tomorrow”

On that, he leaves the room, not bothering to say anything to Namjoon, nor bothering to look at him.

The next morning, Taehyung feels calm. It’s as if all his anxiety left him during the night. He didn’t sleep a lot, but enough to feel in perfect control of his mind. Sitting in the back seats of a black SUV, Nathalie giving them earing kits.

“I still believe I should have just run in there alone and finish the job in ten seconds” mutters Jin, stretching.

“No, you would have activated the alarms at the doors. We need discretion” says Nathalie.  

When they get started, it goes quick. Dressed as cleaners, Taehyung and Yoongi enter by the personnel doors, in the back. Slowly, they make their way up to the informatic floor, not talking to anyone, heads down. Opening specifics doors one by one, letting just enough space for them to look closed, they make the perfect path for Jin to come in.

As they approach the room they’re interested in, Taehyung looks up, checking if anyone is watching them. The only person he sees is a woman. Walking her way out of the corridor, Taehyung can discern a familiar face. Or what he thinks is a familiar face. And his world cracks down. He’s not able to breath anymore. He’s not able to move or think or speak. His knees begin to shake and he’s not sure if they’ll have enough strength to support him for long.

“Mom…?”

He whispered it but it was loud enough for Yoongi to hear. He looks at him with a strange expression on his face. Confusion for sure, surprise, perhaps. Not caring about anything but what he thought he saw, Taehyung walks his way to the woman. He doesn’t hear anything else but his pouring heart and the blood boiling in his veins.

He doesn’t know what he will do if this woman is really who he thinks she is. What would he say? What would he feel? What would he do? What would he not do? What would happen? It’s strange because it’s been years since he last saw her. It’s been years since he thought of seeing her again.  

His eyes are going crazy. His mind too. And then he sees her again. Her long straight hair, up in a ponytail, just like before, her shoulders rigid, just like before, walking fast, just like before. Could it really be her? Could she really be there? Is she real? He didn’t see her face clearly, so he can’t tell, but he has this feeling, deep down, telling him that, yes, his mother is here, she’s real, she’s back. And she’s going to hurt him again if she sees him.

She turns around the corner and he doesn’t know why but he calls her name. It’s stupid, so, so stupid. But he needs to be sure. He needs to know. Even if she hurts him again, he needs to have the answer. Surprised, she turns around, but before she could see him, he’s dragged away. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Taehyung” says Yoongi, an angry expression paint on his face “Did you forget the plan? We were almost done!”

Starting to run a little, he speaks in his mic.

“Abort mission. We had a problem”

Taehyung tries and struggles to get away but Yoongi doesn’t let him go. He tightens his catch on his harm and when they’re in an empty corridor, still running not to get caught, he turns to him, eyes narrowed. Taehyung can’t stop but think that his scar seems to pop on his face when he’s angry.

“I don’t know what you think you saw out there” he says “and I don’t want to know, but our mission was far more important, and you screwed it up”

Yeah. Yeah, he did, he screwed up, like always.

 

-

 

Sitting at the back of the cafeteria, Taehyung plays with his food. He’s not hungry but he needs to force himself to eat. Knowing himself, he’ll be able to starve to death without even noticing it. Closing his eyes, he rethinks about what happened after they failed the mission.

Nathalie tried to speak to him in the SUV, tried to understand what happened in there but he couldn’t speak. Or more: he didn’t want to speak. He didn’t want them to know or be worried or think he was crazy. More importantly, he didn’t want them to freak out if they knew, because they would have locked him up underground until death comes and takes him away. So, he stayed silent, looking out the window, memories playing before his eyes.

Getting out of the car, he told Nathalie he would do a writing statement. He didn’t want to participate to the meeting, didn’t want to see the anger and disbelief in everyone’s’ eyes. He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t bare it. He knew he let them down big time and he hated himself enough already. He didn’t need more hate at the moment.

Not looking at anyone, he went inside, right to his room. But Nathalie didn’t see it this way and followed him, harassing him with questions and asking for answers he couldn’t say at loud, couldn’t even put sense on. He wanted her to go away and leave him alone and he wanted to deal with all of this shit on his own, but she just kept being on his back, talking sweet, sweet that he hated. He wanted to hit her so bad he almost let his anger take over.

“I said I’ll write it down!” he screamed, turning to her.

He pushed her against the wall and hit it, just a couple of centimetres away from her face. The pain he felt calmed him down and he felt better. Kind of. God, he really wanted to punch her in the face. Her small face, her too perfect of a face. As he was going to hit the wall again, firm hands took him away from Nathalie.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Turning face to face with Jin, they stare at each other for a while, competing. Taehyung had difficulties to breath but the pain in his lungs gave him some kind of pleasure.

“What happened to you Taehyung?”

The question took him by surprise. What happened to him? Everything. Everything happened to him. And that was a problem. A big, big problem.

He comes back to reality when someone sits in front of him. Blinking, he looks at Namjoon, wondering why he would sit with him after all that happened.

“You weren’t at the meeting” his friend says.

Simply nodding, Taehyung takes a bite of his food. It tastes like nothing and he doesn’t know why he bothers eating when he knows he will vomit it after. They stay in silence for a while before Taehyung can’t take it any longer.

“You’re right not to trust me” he says, a sad smile on his face “I came to that realisation too. I can’t be trusted. With anything”

“We trust you Taehyung” says Namjoon, but the look in his eyes tells something else.

Taehyung leans in his chair, sighing and smiling at the same time. He finds this situation so funny for some reason.

“I am not mad though. I am just… done”

He’s done. Tired. Fed up. He’s tired of being scolded, looked down, treated like a child, an idiot. He’s tired of himself. Tired of his incapacity, tired of being useless to others. People here gave him so much, more than he could ever have dreamed of, but all he does is take. He takes again and again, insatiable. But he can’t give anything in return. And when he tries, he fails.

So why bother and do things he knows he won’t be able to accomplish?  He has nothing to offer. What can someone like him give to people like them? He doesn’t even know why they persist on keeping him with them. Things would be a lot easier if they just left him on his own.

“I won’t bother helping you guys anymore” he continues, looking up at Namjoon “I only make mistakes anyway. You don’t need me”

“Don’t say that” whispers Namjoon, sadness fulling his eyes.

Slightly smiling, Taehyung blinks. He wants to take his hand and tell him that everything will be alright but that would be a lie. Things will keep on getting worst and he doesn’t want to be responsible of any of it. He did too much damage already. So it’s better if he backs off before he does worse.

“I need you” continues Namjoon, shaking his head.

“Not as much as I need you”

This revelation kills him a little more, but he has to face reality. Namjoon is strong, independent, confident. He has everything. Taehyung, him, is just a burden. To him and everyone. He’s a burden for himself. Feeling tears coming out, Taehyung gets up. He can’t stay here. Walking out the cafeteria, he lets the tears fall, tasting their salt for the last time. Because this is the last time he allows himself to be weak.

 

 

___________________

 

 

The following days, Taehyung stayed in the agency but spent most of his time with Jonah. They played a lot and trained and Taehyung helped him, much without his will, find out his ability. Turns out that Jonah can control electricity. They discovered this when, by accident, Jonah knocked him out while they were playing skipping.

The discharge was so powerful that Taehyung felt like dying, but he didn’t ~~. Sadly.~~ Jonah cried for two days after that. He was afraid and felt incredibly guilty for what he’s done but Taehyung didn’t care about being hurt. About the pain. In fact, he was happy he had been the one Jonah attacked, because he was used to it. Where he survived, someone else, another kid in particular, could have died.

Jonah was scared to hurt him again and refused to touch him but Taehyung was patient and talked to him, reassuring, telling him that it was normal to be afraid but he had to be strong in order to not hurt other people in the future. Especially the ones he cared about.

It took a moment, but, at some point, Jonah let his guard down and hugged Taehyung. Hugged him like he was his lifeline. The young man knew what the other was feeling, because he was him, once. Him too had been afraid and confused and hated -still does- his ability. So he told himself he would do anything to help him grow up well and safe. He wanted to do that for at least one person.

During this time, Namjoon tried to reach out to him, then Jin and Yoongi, but Taehyung never let them do that. He kept a mental wall so that Namjoon couldn’t talk to him, ignored Jin and Yoongi when they would sit at his table during lunch time, would stop coming to the training session. He knew George wanted to kill him by the way he looked at him when they would walk pass each other in the corridors.

Taehyung wasn’t surprised though. How could a dog let someone hurt its master? Talking about master, Nathalie didn’t ask to talk to him nor wanted him in her office. He would never see her in the corridors nor in the playrooms with the kids, like she used to do. He knew it was because of him. And he didn’t feel anything about it.

What he did to her, after the mission, wasn’t good. He acknowledged that. But he would never apologize for what he felt.

 

-

 

One morning, while he was running away from Yoongi, he felt a hand grabbing his shirt and pushing him against the wall. Surprised, he let out a soft scream. Blinking, he noticed Hoseok, standing in front of him, eyes sharped, mouth forming a thin line. He was in trouble. Tightening his grip, Hoseok looked right into his eyes.

“You stay still and you listen to what I’ll say”

Taking a step back, Hoseok scratched his neck. Taehyung tried to move but his body refused to obey him. It was like he was glued to the ground. Trapped. Shivering, he stared at Hoseok. He obviously was the one doing this to him, whatever it was. And he didn’t like it. Trying to move again, he stayed completely still. Groaning, he closed his eyes.

“What did you do to me?”

Staring at each other, they stay silent for a few seconds before Hoseok sighs.

“I am simply using my ability on you”

“How?”

But then it clicked in his head. He didn’t understand why, when Clarisse killed herself, Namjoon called for Hoseoks’ help, but now he remembers his arm outstretched in front of him, like he was trying to touch her. Because that’s what he wanted to do. Touch her. Make her not hurt herself.

“You control people” whispered Taehyung.

But he didn’t touch his skin though because he had a long sleeves shirt. And Taehyung would have had a vision, too. But he looked in his eyes. And that’s how powerful Hoseok was, he understood. He just needed a simple eye/body contact to turn people into dolls.

“I hate to do this to you, but we need to have a little chat you and me and that was the only option left since you run away every time you see the others”

Clinching his jaws, Taehyung looked away. He didn’t want to talk to him, nor anyone, because he made up his mind already, and he didn’t want to turn around again. But since he couldn’t move, he had no other choice.

“Look, we don’t know each other very well” begins Hoseok, looking at him “but we’re still a team. You can’t run away from it, not even after what happened”

As he spoke, his voice got softer. Like he was talking to a child.

“I don’t know if you blame yourself, and I don’t want to know” he continues “but it doesn’t matter. You need to have your shit together and start acting instead of hiding and playing victim”

Angry, Taehyung glanced at the other boy. Who did he think he was to talk to him like this? Being faced with the truth is often unpleasant and hurtful, Taehyung knew it. And being the one in this position was even more unpleasant.

“I don’t know a lot about you, only rumours and whispers, but from that, I can guess what kind of person you are”

“And what kind of person am I?”

Taehyung’s question lost itself in the silence. The two boys kept looking at each other. He could see hesitation in Hoseok eyes, but also determination. He was ready to say what needed to be said.

“You’re a coward”

Swallowing, Taehyung blinked repletely. His chest began to hurt, his mind went blank.

“But you’re also destructive. Dangerous, even, apparently”

Yeah. Yeah, he fucking was. That’s exactly why he was running away and hiding. But people didn’t get that.

“I personally don’t care about what people say about you. They probably don’t know you. I don’t know you. But I still want to be there for you and everyone in this place. So let me, and your friends, be there. Accept the help you’re given and work on your issues. Don’t erase them because it would only make them stronger”

He was right, of course, Taehyung knew that, but he did his best to avoid the truth. Because yes, he was a coward, he was scared, he was hiding behind his ability, but he did that only because everytime he tried and did something, he screwed up. He hurt and killed and went crazy. He was tired of screwing up. He was better left alone.

“We don’t hate you Taehyung” whispers Hoseok, looking almost tired “Some people need you around”

 

-

 

The next day, when Jin and Yoongi sat at his table, he didn’t move. He stayed still, eating in silence, but it was a beginning. When Namjoon turned arrived, he hated it as much as he loved it. He was so vulnerable around him, and he abhorred it. His friend had the power to make him flinch with just a blink of an eye, so when he went to him, with no hesitation in his eyes, he just let him hug him. And he hugged him back. Because he needed this. He needed to feel him against him, his arms tugging him close. He wanted to detach himself from him, be more independent and less like a little doggy, but at that moment, he allowed himself to be weak. He was weak because he knew one day this will never happen again, and he would be left alone without hugs. So he enjoyed it as much as he could for as long as it lasted.

A couple of days later, the little group of boys walk their way to some café. They had nothing to do, so they decided to go out and appreciate the sunny day. The weather was nice too, so they had no hesitation, whatsoever. Even though it’s still a little awkward and tense at times, the mood is mostly relaxed.

Taehyung is glad the boys didn’t keep any grudge against him. Or at least, he’s glad they didn’t show it. He’s also happy to be able to enjoy some free time after all this drama. Being outside is a blessing. Feeling the fresh air and the sun on his skin feels good after so long underground.

Taehyung is walking beside Yoongi. They’re not talking but the silence isn’t uncomfortable. From all the boys, Yoongi is the one who’s the nicer to him. He didn’t make any comment nor did he look at him weird. Ever. He was always the silent one, not putting his nose where it didn’t belong. It’s more like he understood him, somehow. Taehyung could see it in his eyes. There’s something in them that said a lot more than his closed face.

Smiling a bit, glancing at the ground, Taehyung notices that his laces are undone. Stopping, he bends over in order to tie them when he feels pushed. And before he knew it, he was swallowed. 

 

_There’s a little boy running after a ball in the street. Namjoon, Jin, Hoseok and Yoongi are here too. They don’t seem to notice him. They’re just walking. It’s a beautiful day. It’s sunny and bright. People are living. And then there’s a car. A loud horn. The same boy stopping from running, looking on his left. Screams. And a dead little body._

 

Coming back, Taehyung gasps. His entire body hurts, shakes, feels like he was drive over. Blinking, he looks up at the little boy making his way over the ball. Still running. Still going to his death. Getting up, he takes a few steps forward.

“Don’t! You’re going to…”

But he shuts up. He can’t continue his sentence. He can’t. Closing his eyes for a second, he still sees the little boy running after his ball. Directly under the wheels of a car. And there’s nothing he can do about it.

“Taehyung?”

Yoongi’s voice sounds hushed. As if he was under water. But he’s here, breathing air, staring at a little boy whose life will end in just a few seconds. He’s strangely calm inside. No boiling blood, no adrenaline, no fear. Just emptiness. He accepted this death and will let it go. Like it’s supposed to be. Turning to Namjoon, he begs him, with his eyes, not to do anything. _Let the boy die_ , he says. _Let him die. Let’s just walk away_. That’s the best option. That’s the best he can do. He doesn’t feel anything about it because this little boy is no one. He’s not important, he doesn’t belong in his world.

“Jin, save the boy”

Namjoon’s voice is firm, his face closed. He seems mad. Almost disgusted. And Taehyung wildly opens his eyes. No. They can’t save him. He _has_ to die. He turns to Jin, ready to beg him not to move but he’s already gone. Screaming his name, Taehyung starts running after him, even though it’s a lost cause. Jin’s a speeder. Taehyung isn’t. But this doesn’t stop him from running as fast as he can. Running to stop him, running to feel something, running to light his conscience. Taehyung vision is blurry, like the world around him disappeared and all he can see is just a point in front of him.

It happens in a blink of an eye. One second, the kid is in front of the car, the next, he’s in Jins’ arms. Taehyung stops running, staring at the kid, then starring at Jin. He can’t believe this happened. Blinking, he shakes his head. He feels dizzy. Nauseous. He falls on his knees. His throat feels tight. He wants to cry but don’t let the tears coming out.

“You’re ok kiddo?” asks Jin, gentle.

The little boy nods, surprised and mostly confused. Looking up at Jin and Taehyung, he searches for some kind of explanation.

“You should be careful when crossing the road” continues Jin “it’s dangerous with all these cars you know”

Helping him getting up, he tells him to stay here while he crosses the road and catches the ball. A few moments later, the kid turns back and runs away. Still on his knees, Taehyung looks at him. He’s angry, but there’s nothing he can do now. What’s done can’t be undone. Sadly. Getting up, he doesn’t look at anyone, shoulders straight, body slightly shaking. He starts walking away when a hand stops him.

“What was that about?” asks Namjoon “Why did you try to stop him? Why did you want the kid to die so bad?”

_It’s not like you_. Taehyung smirks at the last words. Not like him _. Not_ like _him_. It’s funny. Funny because he’s always been like this. Always been selfish and self-protecting but he’s been hiding it so well that even his closest friends didn’t know that. Namjoon, from all people, should have known, with all the mind reading he does. He should have known.

But maybe he just chosen to ignore it, pretend like it was nothing. Like he always does. Taehyung thought that he would know better. They’ve known each other for six years now, they’ve shared things, lived things, but yet, he doesn’t know him. How tragic.

“This kid you just saved was supposed to die. My role isn’t to save people Namjoon. It’s to guide them to death”

_And I’ve always been like that. You’ve just chosen not to see it_. On that, ignoring the confused and choked faces of the other boys, he walks away.

This little boy didn’t die today, as he should have. And now, someone else will pay for this.

 

_Those who have to die, must die._

-

 

_Sitting on the cold ground, there’s a little boy. His mother is reading a story to him. A story about monsters and angels fighting. Fighting over life. Fighting over death. Defending it. Taking it. The little boy hates that story. It scares him. He hates death. He hates monsters and angels. He hates the violence in his mothers’ voice. He doesn’t look at her. The ground is way more interesting._

_Her voice is a simple whisper, but it’s so loud. So loud. Monsters and angels are fighting, they fly around him, scream, groan, kill. When he looks up, his mother is nowhere to be found. Getting up, he looks around. And finally, he sees her. She’s running to him._

_“Protect the balance Taehyung!”_

_Her voice is barely standing up in all the other noises. He blinks, doesn’t know what to do. He’s scared and wants to go home and drink milk and play with the other kids. His mother is still running to him._

_“Protect it!”_

 

It’s been three days. Four nights. And nightmares. Voices. Painful heart. Empty stomach. Dark circles. Worried friends. Taehyung feels nauseous most of the time. Dizzy. Mortified. He looks at everybody like it’s the last time he sees them. That might be. He doesn’t talk much. Stays in his bed most of the time.

He’s lost weight. He doesn’t care. He’s a robot. And Namjoon is losing his mind. He can’t deal with seeing him like this. Slowly dying.

Once, during lunch time, he couldn’t take it anymore. He asked question, explanations, words. But Taehyung would remind silent. 

“For fuck sakes Taehyung!” he finally shouted “what is happening to you?”

His voice was shaking, his hands made into fits. _Please just talk to me_. Tired of hearing him speak, Taehyung opened up.

“This time, you’re the one who messed up”

“What?”

Sighing, the young boy shook his head. He wanted to sleep so bad.

“You messed up when you decided it was up to you to save that little boy the other day. And now I have to suffer the consequences”

 

-

 

Jerry is the only one Taehyung accepts next to him. He’s silent and doesn’t care about anything. He doesn’t ask question, he doesn’t want answers. All he’s interested in is his video games and food. And that’s a breath of fresh air. Taehyung is so, so grateful to have a friend like that.

They talk a little. About the outside world. About the new kids who just arrived. About NARSA. Hyuna comes join them from time to time. She never stays for long, but being reunited like this, just the three of them, feels like old times. And Taehyung can breathe again in peace. Hyuna heals him when she can, but the pain and dizziness always come back. It won’t leave until someone dies.

The next morning, eating breakfast, Taehyung is waiting for Jerry to arrive. It’s been half an hour already, and this is not like the boy. He’s always punctual. Never late. Never in advance. Worried, Taehyung gets up and walks to Hyuna.

“Where’s Jerry?”

Looking up at him, she shakes her head. She hasn’t seen him yet either. He then walks to Irene, asks her the same question. But same answer. Jerry is not here yet. No one saw him. And that’s not normal. Heart biting fast, he walks out of the cafeteria, pushes a random guard and starts running to Jerrys’ room. It might be nothing, nothing at all, but he has a bad feeling about this. He needs to be sure, see it with his own eyes.

Opening Jerry’s bedroom door, he enters. Breathless. No one’s here. It’s empty. Frowning, he gets out and stars looking everywhere. He found him leaving Nathalie’s office, twenty minutes later. Looking at him, Jerry leans his head.

“What’s going on dude? Missed me that much?”

 

-

 

_A man is standing in front of him. He’s wearing a suit. A beautiful suit. He looks at him with so gentle eyes. Soft, tender, nostalgic. His dark hair is falling in his eyes. It clashes with the suit. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is the incredible pain he feels in his chest, the incredible amount of love he feels. Love that torn him apart. It’s as if he could die by just looking at the man. And it feels like it._

_“You did great Taehyung” says the man._

_His voice is warm and Taehyung wants to scream but he can’t, he can’t, he’s just able to stand here and do nothing. He lost his voice. His ability to move. His will to live. All he wants is to join him, run to him, hug him, feel his arms around his waist again. Again, again, again._

_“Be strong”_

_He sees him then. Jerry. His Jerry. Standing behind him, a little smile on his face. Waving at him._

 

What he was so afraid of happened. It happened the next day, at exactly 4 in the afternoon. When he first saw it, he didn’t think it was real. He just imagined it was his mind playing tricks on him. He has been so tired lately that having hallucinations wasn’t surprising. It was common, even. But when he woke up in the morning, he was fine. Unusually fine.

He slept very well, didn’t feel dizzy nor nauseous anymore. He felt _good_. He should have known it wasn’t a good omen. He should have known that when he feels good, when he feels _that_ good, something bad always happens. Always. It didn’t miss this time either.

Standing in front of the open door, he stares at the ground. He doesn’t see anything though. Doesn’t feel his body. Doesn’t think his heart is still beating. It’s funny because he knew this would happen. He knew because something similar took place in the past. It’s not the first time he experiences something like this. But the feeling. God, the _feeling_. It hits you in the most painful way. There’s so much pain in him. So much pain. Pain, pain, pain, everywhere. How is he still alive and standing up when all he is is just pain? He lives pain. Breathes pain. Eats pain. Sleeps pain.

He doesn’t notice it, but there’s a smile on his face. It’s little, but here. For real. It’s real like Jerry’s body on the ground. It’s real like the marks on the walls _. THE BALANCE HAS BEEN BROKEN_ , it says. And on the other wall: _THOSE WHO HAVE TO DIE, MUST DIE_. It’s real. Too real. It’s real like the white in Jerry’s eyes. It’s real like the paler tone of his skin. He looks like a ghost, Taehyung thinks. Funny.

Like a robot, he sighs. Closes the door. Walks toward Nathalies’ office. The smile is still here.

Nathalie’s office is noisy when he enters. He didn’t knock. What’s the use? Looking at no one but the book on his left, he stays still. If someone saw him, he didn’t know. He can’t stop blinking. He feels like he’s in a dream. A very hilarious one. Very funny. Good production.

“He’s dead”

It’s just a whisper but he feels like he screamed it. He’s out of breath but full of air at the same time. He’s cold but his blood is boiling. He’s still but feels like running. Silence is everywhere around him. He laughs, slightly. Saying it makes it even funnier. Oh _God_ , he thinks. He’s _dead_. Dead, dead, dead. He can’t control the giggles anymore. He laughs so much it hurts his chest but he can’t stop, can’t stop, can’t control anything anymore.

“He…he’s…. dead” he manages to says in between laughter.

Jesus. This situation is so, so, so funny. He falls on his knees, cheeks hurting from smiling too much.

“Jerry’s…. dead”

 

-

 

He’s back here again. The morgue. But this time, it’s not Clarisses’ dead body placed on the table. It’s Jerrys’. Taehyung didn’t cry. He can’t. The tears simply won’t come out. Maybe he doesn’t have any left. Maybe his body is too dry to create them.

He’s under water again. Alone.

His cheeks hurt.

He’s lost most of his friends during his life. They all died. Killed. Taken away from him. He’s used to it. Death. Solitude. He knows it better than anything. But it still hurts him when it happens. Not so much than before, but the pain is still there. In his heart. His empty heart.

He doesn’t cry when friends die anymore.

He’s so good at suppressing feelings now. So, so good. So good he doesn’t know or notice what he feels when he feels them. Is it fear? Is it happiness? Is it anxiety? Who cares?

Nathalie’s hand is on his shoulder. She squeezes it. Shaking slightly. She didn’t cry either. She just closed her eyes for a bit before walking out of the room. He can sense her eyes on him, but he can’t look at her. Not yet.

“I had a child” she whispers.

Taehyung frowns. He never knew that. Never thought of her as a mother.

“Her name was Lily”

_Lily_. Oh, he knew that name.

“She looked just like me” she smiles, her voice still very low “Blonde, green eyes, big smile”

Completely turning to him, she caresses his face. A touch full of so much love it burns him.

“We didn’t plan on rescuing you that night, six year ago” she continues, nostalgia in her voice “I was only there to get my Lily back. Save her from them”

But Lily was already dead. He knows. He knows because he saw her bleeding out from her stomach, looking right at him as she died.

“But then, I couldn’t find her and I knew” she breathes “I _knew_ I was too late. And then I saw all the other kids. I saw you”

Getting closer, she pushes her forehead on his shoulder.

“You became my child that night”

He doesn’t know why she’s telling him that, but he’s glad. He’s glad because he finally has an answer. And he needs the distraction. He needs to think about something that isn’t death.

“I am not your child Nathalie. And I will never be” he says back “You don’t need to protect me”

She giggles a little. He never heard her do that. She’s the boss after all. She has to be tough and strong for those who can’t be. She needs to keep this firm and unbothered image. But with him, she was always so _vulnerable_. And now he knows why. He knows why it was so simple to have permissions, missions, extra food, an apartment, no bodyguards. He became what she’s lost.

“Of course I do Taehyung. I have to”

She takes a step back, tears in her eyes that won’t fall.

“Protecting people is what I’ve always done I and can’t stop now”

Finally, he turns to her. Looks her in the eyes. He sees so much pain and hesitation and she’s lost in all of this mess. She’s lost and doesn’t know how to make things better but she’s trying her best.

“I have to do better” she says to herself. Then, at him “Please, forgive me”

He was never angry at her. He was just pretending. At least he thinks he did.

“At one condition”

Nathalie shivers at his words but doesn’t break eye contact. She’s determined and that will only make things easier now. Taking a step back, he breathes in and out, deeply.

“Let me take my own decisions. Don’t put your nose where it doesn’t belong. Don’t try and stop me from doing whatever I think is good for me”

Taking a step back, he glances at Jerry.

“You have to let me go”

 


	4. #4

His mom used to tell him about a legend involving angels and death. Usually, when people think of angels, they associate them with life and light and purity. But in his mothers’ mouth, angels were vile and destructive. They weren’t bringing life, but death. They would guide you to it. They would tell you how to die and you had no other choice but die the way they wanted you to. That’s what Taehyung is. An angel. At least, that’s what is mother called him.

“My angel” she would whisper in his ears, when she believed he was asleep. “My sweet, sweet angel. Here to conquer and kill”.

She would say it with a weird tone in her voice. Like she was disgusted by her son but still loved him, somewhere, somehow. And she manipulated him into believing he truly deserved the torture. He believed he was a horrible thing, that he needed to be treated, cured, saved, so that his mother will be at peace again. But all she did was lie. She lied and didn’t listen to him when he begged. She lied and smiled at him while electric chocks were given to him.

He didn’t want to be an angel. He simply wanted to be _human_. Simply wanted to be a child.

There’s no angel of death or angel of life, she would tell him. There’s just power and control.   
 

-

 

It’s a weird feeling to keep on going, Taehyung thinks. It’s a weird feeling to move on and to continue living. It’s a weird feeling to live when someone you cared about died. It’s also unfair. Someone died, someone who was part of your life died, but somehow, you continue to live. You live like they were never there. Like you never shared anything with them. Like you never knew them.

Taehyung doesn’t like that feeling. It feels wrong to live. It feels wrong to not talk to them, to not eat with them, to not feel them anymore. In simple words, life after death feels wrong. And even when you’re used to it, it’s always the same. Always.

Jerry’s death made a lot of noise. People were talking about him, about what happened, about the consequences. How could someone die _inside_ the walls? Usually, people die _outside_ , when it can’t be seen. This place is a sanctuary, a refuge, somewhere people can feel secured and took care of. But Jerry didn’t die outside, like he was supposed to. He died in his room, where people could see and witness what death really was about. It’s ugly and real and scary.

Taehyung didn’t listen to them, mostly because they were saying bullshits over bullshits. They weren’t there, didn’t see it happen, didn’t even _know_ who Jerry was or what he looked like, but they had things to say. Gossip, gossip and gossip and gossip again. All over the place. People couldn’t talk and think and wonder about anything else. Jerry here, Jerry there, Jerry everywhere.

Taehyung was angry. Why would they talk about him now that he was dead when all they did when he was alive was disrespecting and ignoring him? Always mocking him, always being uncomfortable around him, always calling him a weirdo because his ability to socialize and have empathy wasn’t the best.

It became so unbearable Taehyung had to leave. He had to come back to his apartment. To the silence of his room and the noises of the city. He returned to class too, after what seems likeyears of absence. He didn’t really care about it anymore. It was mostly a way to clean his head and think about something that wasn’t death. But it didn’t matter, apparently. Because death would follow him every step of the way, every minute of his fucking life. He was death itself, Taehyung thought. He was death itself and he had to embrace it.

He would wear gloves now. He would wear gloves so that he wouldn’t have those visions ever again. Those damn fucking horrible visions. The only good thing that is happening to him is the nightmares. Or, more specifically, the absence of nightmares. He’s so tired that most night, he doesn’t dream about anything. He doesn’t feel like he’s getting any type of rest, but it’s nice to wake up without screaming and being covered in sweat.

Namjoon sleeps with him at night. Hugging him tight. Taehyung didn’t talk to him about what happened to Jerry. He just showed it to him, in his mind. He replayed the moment he saved the little boy and what it caused. He made him understand that he had Jerry’s death on his hands. If Taehyung has to live with the consequences, he won’t be the only one, he decided. It wasn’t his fault but Namjoon’s, and he made sure the other boy knew it.

Namjoon fell on his knees once, begging, crying. They were in the kitchen. It was early in the morning. Taehyung was replaying Jerry’s death on his mind. For the thousandth time. He knew Namjoon was in his head again, because he’s always in his head. He knew he was seeing it just like him. And he started shaking, hands into fists.

“Stop it” he murmured, head falling.

“Stop what?”

Taehyung played innocent, of course. Because he wanted Namjoon to speak. He wanted him to express himself and say the words he wanted to hear and feel as helpless as he felt when he realized what will happen after that boy lived and that someone he cared about was about to die instead.

“Please, Taehyung, stop it”

“Stop what?”

Namjoon turned to him. Jaw tensed. Exhaustion in his eyes. But it wasn’t enough.

“Stop what you’re doing”

“What am I doing?”

It was a funny thing to do, Taehyung thought. Funny to see someone else feel what he felt his entire, miserable life. It felt good not to be the helpless one for once.

“TAEHYUNG”

The scream took him by surprise. Namjoon _never_ screams. And he never cries easier, but yet, here he was, tears unstoppable, falling like rain on a storm day. He was crying like Taehyung never saw him cry and if he still had a heart, it would have break.   

“I am sorry” Namjoon said, in between blips “I am sorry, I am so sorry”

Then, he was on his knees and palms, face looking down, body shaking. He kept on speaking. “I am sorry” he said, “I know I screwed up” he said, “I didn’t know” and “Please forgive me”. Taehyung simply kept on looking at him. He didn’t like seeing him like this. He hated it, even. But he killed one of his friends. And he had to suffer for it.

The need to make him pay disappeared after that. The same night, they had sex. Or more, like, Taehyung wanted to have sex. He wanted to lose himself. And Namjoon was too zoned out to make any kind of protest. It wasn’t sweet. Nor soft. Nor incredible like it can be. It was nasty. And quick. And full of so, so much desperation. Neither of them really enjoyed it. But it was done. And they were back to normal.

 

-

 

After a week, the odd feeling of being followed yet again made an appearance. Taehyung can’t put his finger on it, but he’s almost certain that NARSA has him followed. Or maybe it’s his mother, since she seems to appear quite often those pass few weeks. He hates it. He hates this feeling of insecurity, whenever he goes. He hates not being able to defend himself. Or more like he hates the fact that he doesn’t trust himself.

He talked about it to Namjoon, of course, and since then, he’s been around him 24/7. Jin and Hoseok take turn too. Taehyung likes Jin. He’s nice and funny and he doesn’t care about anything. He’s just here to have a good time and that’s something the young man might be jealous of, if he’s being honest. Because he doesn’t really know what a good time is. What being happy and selfless and careless and simply free means.

Hoseok is the same, except he’s more reserve when around him. Maybe he doesn’t trust him, and to be honest, Taehyung doesn’t blame him. Though they talk, sometimes, because silence is too loud, they learn more about each other, it gets easier. They’re not friends, probably never will be, but they’re still casual. And that’s nice. Taehyung isn’t really the kind to make friends, or the kind to want friends, so it’s fine by him if Hoseok feels the same way.

On the other hand, Taehyung _really_ likes spending time with Yoongi. God, does he like it. The man is like a ghost. Silent, discreet, almost invisible. Taehyung wonders if being invisible is his ability. Because he never saw him use it in front of him, so all he can do is guess. They don’t talk that much, mostly exchange glances and little smiles. Taehyung feels safe with him, and that’s strange, because he doesn’t feel safe with anyone except Namjoon.

But Yoongi has something in him. Something more, something that links them, somehow, Taehyung thinks. It’s like they’re the same but still different. Like they complete each other. He wants to know more about him, about what he’s capable of, about what he thinks and wants, but he doesn’t dare asks questions. He’s never been good at it. He also doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Because he knows what it’s like to not wanting to share.

 

-

 

They talked, eventually, one night. Him and Yoongi. They were walking through a skate park. It was cold. They sat on a bench. Taehyung was hungry. He didn’t eat in two days and it began to show. They didn’t say anything for a while, simply watched kids play around. It was mostly teenagers not wanting to come home after school, Taehyung guessed. Their laughs filled the air.

Taehyung wondered what it felt like to have a normal childhood. He wondered what it felt like to live without abilities. He wondered if he would have been happier being a simple human. Sometimes, he wished to not have been born. Or at least, been born normal. Those kids, they probably didn’t know their chance. They probably didn’t appreciate their life enough. They probably didn’t know how fucking lucky they were to not be part of this world. Taehyung hated them. He hated them for what they represented, for what he could never have, never be, for what he could die for.

Yoongi must have felt his anger because he gently put his hand on his knee. Taehyung didn’t look at him, he didn’t move. Normally, he would have jumped out from the touch. He would have spit words. But he didn’t. He didn’t move his leg, simply because the warm he felt at the sensation of his hand on his knee made him feel at peace. It calmed him.

Slowly, starting from his leg, then his stomach, shoulders and neck, a warm feeling made its way. He closed his eyes, letting the sensation take over everything else. He didn’t feel the cold anymore. It was just warm and peace.

It didn’t vanish when Yoongi took off his hand. Even though the emptiness on his knee made him frown. They glanced at each other but didn’t say a word. They stayed here until all the kids disappeared, leaving them alone in the dark. Shivering, Taehyung looked at the sky. There were no stars in it. They were all erased by the city lights.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Yoongis’ voice surprised him. He didn’t expect him to speak until they were back home. But he did. Taehyung turned his face towards him, eyebrows raised.

“Sure”

Yoongi exhaled a long breath he might have kept in. Why, Taehyung wonders, but he let it go. He stared at the sky again.

“The other day, when you said your role was to guide people to death, you were talking about your ability, right?”

This time, it’s Taehyungs’ turn to keep his breath in. He should have known that, sooner or later, people would start asking question. Sooner or later, people _need_ answers. Sooner or later, people have enough of the secrets and mysteries and lies. Taehyung expected it to take longer, but guessed it was time to speak.

“Yeah” 

He murmured the words, but he knew Yoongi heard him. It was so silent here that speaking louder was unnecessary.

“How does it work?”

This, Taehyung didn’t know how to explain. How to explain that when he touches someone for the first time, he sees their death? He sees it _, feels_ it, knows when it’s gonna happen. How to explain that he can never forget the death he saw? How to explain he died a hundred times already because every vision he had made him feel like it? How to explain that seeing people die is a curse he has to live with because he has no other choice but let death take people away?

He could say this. He perfectly could say this like that, but he knew he would sound crazy. Every time he talked about it to someone, in the end, they feared him. Feared him because if he ever touched them, he would know something no one wants to know. It’s scary to know how you die. It’s scary to even think that one day, you’ll be dead. An empty corpse. And he didn’t blame them. He didn’t want to know how he will die either. He didn’t want someone to tell him how and when and where his life will be over.

He stayed silent for a time. Thinking. He knew that Yoongi wouldn’t judge him. He wouldn’t say anything. He would simply listen, like he always did. But even with that idea, Taehyung found it hard to open up.

 “I burnt someone alive once”

Taehyung blinked. Turned to Yoongi. His face was even more blank than usual. His hands were made into fits. His jaw was tensed. Taehyung stared at him for the longest time, not sure he understood what Yoongi meant by that. Then, Yoongi opened one of his hand, little flames appearing on top of his fingers. Wildly opening his eyes, Taehyung breathed in. There was fire on Yoongi’s fingers. Real fire, dancing to the wind. And then, he understood. The warm feeling he felt earlier, after he touched him, was created by him.

“It was an accident” he continued, looking at his fingers “I didn’t mean it, but I was so-so angry. I was angry all the time because I was scared and confused and I couldn’t control my ability”

He smiled to himself, coldly. Taehyung stayed silent, listening to his voice. He didn’t move, couldn’t move, wanted to know more. So, so, so much more.

“I got into an argument with my boyfriend. We were arguing over nothing, a stupid broken glass. A _fucking broken glass_ , Taehyung. And I snapped” his voice broke a little at this, but he cleared his throat and kept going “I snapped and throwed flames at him and he died. He died in front of my eyes”

He took a pause after this. Swallowing, tensing his jaw again. His hands were trembling. At that exact moment, he looked vulnerable. At that excat moment, Taehyung could see the broken kid he was. He could see the anger, the pain, the fear, the guilt. He could see himself.

“You know what’s funny about this?” he asked, turning to him.

Taehyung shook his head, eyes locked into Yoongi’s.

“I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel any regret, any guilt, any pleasure. I was-I was neutral. About all this. I didn’t care that my boyfriend was screaming in pain. I didn’t care that I was killing him. But I’ve learned. I’ve grown from it”

And Taehyung knew. He knew why he felt so close to him, so comfortable, so unashamed. Because Yoongi knew. He knew how he felt, and what he was thinking, and how he hated himself and how scared he was. He was right. They were the same.

“I am scared” Taehyung whispered “I am so very scared of who I am”

Yoongis’ eyes soften, just a bit. Slowly, he took Taehyungs’ hand in his. The warm was there again.

“I know”

Taehyung looked at their hands. He would have had a vision if he didn’t wear gloves, he thought. He would have seen how Yoongi would die. But he didn’t, and he was relieved.

“I see death” he says, still looking down “when I touch people, I see how they’ll die and when and I _feel_ it” looking up at Yoongi, he swallowed “you can’t imagine how often I died in my life already”

 

-

 

The same night, the walk home is silent. As always. They don’t talk because there’s no use to. As he suspected, Yoongi didn’t say anything after he told him about his ability. He just nodded and hold his hand until all became calm again and they were too tired to stay outside. Taehyung is alone tonight. Namjoon has a mission. It doesn’t bother him. Lately, he finds himself needing some alone time. More than usual. Stopping in front of the building’s doors, Taehyung turns to Yoongi. They stare at each other.

“Thank you for walking me home”

Yoongi nods slightly. Their eyes don’t break apart. None of them moves. They simply look at each other for a while. And the temperature goes up, suddenly, and Taehyung feels his stomach twisting, and his heart beating faster. Somehow, they’re closer now.

“You should go in”

Yoongi’s voice is low, almost raw, and Taehyung loves it. Loves how it makes his blood boil.

“Yeah, I should”

But they still don’t move. In fact, they get closer and closer until their foreheads almost touch and their torso almost brush against each other and Taehyung swears he can feel Yoongis’ hands on him and god, _god_ , he wants him. He wants him touching him, kissing him, biting him, guiding him.

When they kiss, it feels like the nicest dream. It’s hard, more teeth than mouth, but Taehyung adores it. He groans when he’s pushed against the door, he groans when Yoongi presses his body against his, he groans when his lips travel to his neck. He feels like burning and maybe he’s burning and he doesn’t care at all. He will gladly burn if this meant being kissed like this again.

It seems like they wanted each other for a long time. It seems like this is all they waited for. As their hips brush and collapse and move, Taehyung loses his mind.

“We shouldn’t be doing this” breaths Yoongi, in between kisses.

“Shut up” hisses Taehyung, kissing him again.

Who cares if they should or shouldn’t do this? Who’s here to stop them? Who’s here to judge them? Taehyung wants this. He _needs_ this. And he doesn’t give a shit if this is bad or unprofessional or if this is going to end badly. Because right now, it feels good. It feels right and clear and perfect.

They take some time to get inside the apartment because they wouldn’t stop kissing. They wouldn’t stop touching and exploring and moaning. It’s messy and almost desperate. Desperate and almost painful. Yoongis’ skin is so pale he looks like a ghost in the dark room, and Taehyung swallows. He bends over and lick his collar bones, licks his torso and kisses him some more. Yoongi is hot, so, so, so hot and Taehyung feels like burning but _jesus_ does he love this. Loves the feeling of their skin touching. Loves the feeling of Yoongis’ hands grabbing his ass. Loves the way his hips rub against his.

As he leans back his head, giving better access for Yoongi to bit him, his eyes catch something by the window. Something that shouldn’t be there, but has been present for some time.

There’s someone out there again. Watching them.

 

-

 

Today is a bright day. It’s cold, but there’s no clouds in the sky. Taehyung is slowly walking towards the agency. He wants to see Jonah and make sure he’s ok and eating and learning well. He wants the kid to be happy.

When he enters the place, he expects Jerry to be around the corner, hands full of monster munch. But he’s nowhere to be found. His heart feels heavy but he keeps walking and not even 2 minutes in, he hears his name being called. Turning around, he sees Jonah running towards him, a big smile on his face, arms wild open. Taehyung gets on his knee and catches the little boy.

“How are you little guy?” he asks, petting his head.

“You will never believe it Taetae! You will never believe it!”

The little boy is so excited that Taehyung laughs. He’s happy to see him again. He missed his presence. They spend the entire morning speaking and sharing stories and playing games. Jonah improved a lot in a small amount of time. He’s kind of a genius, Taehyung thinks. And he couldn’t be prouder.

 

-

 

Sitting at his usual table, in the back of the cafeteria, Taehyung eats slowly. Only Hoseok is here today. Jin and Yoongi are out and Namjoon is training a new group of guards. Speaking about Yoongi, they didn’t talk about what happened that night. When Taehyung woke up the next morning, he was alone in the bed and since then, they didn’t really speak. Yoongi was always busy or kind of avoiding him. Whatever.

“I heard he was part of NARSA”

The last word catches his attention. He stops eating, leans in his chair, slightly turns his head, listens.

“What? No way he was with them Marion, he never leaved the agency”

Turning completely, Taehyung notices the two teenage girls speaking. They must be around 15, maybe 17, he can’t tell.

“It’s not because he never left that he couldn’t give them information” snaps back the so-called Marion “he was a weird one, remember?

“So being weird makes you a member of NARSA now? Come on Marion, stop saying bullshit”

“Jerry was in, I am sure of it”

It happens in a blink of an eye. One second, he’s sitting at his table, the next, he’s pulling the girl’s hair and pours his very hot coffee all over her face. Her disgusting face. He doesn’t even hear her scream. Leaning towards her ear, he whispers.

“Next time you want to vomit lies, make sure I am not around”

And on that, he turns away and goes straight to one of the practice rooms. Doesn’t even hear Hoseok calling him out. As he’s punching the sandbag, he groans. He should have burned that bitch up.

 

__________________

  


Taehyung is angry. And when it happens, things tend to go bad. Not for him, but for the others. Because what happened in the cafeteria was nothing compared to what he can do when he’s really pushed to his limits. After the incident, everyone’s scared of him. More than they already were. He doesn’t give a fuck. At all. It’s rather a good thing. People can hate on him all they want, he’s waiting for then at the corner.

They don’t talk about Jerry anymore now that they have something else to gossip about. They’re doing it to him and he prefers that. Prefers that people trash on him rather than on an innocent boy who did nothing wrong and died.

Taehyung is mad about this. Mad about this ridiculous death. Jerry wasn’t supposed to die. He was supposed to live and see things and grow up. He was supposed to find someone to be happy with, supposed to accomplish great things. But he never got to do that. And Taehyung hates it. He’s the one who’s supposed to be dead. He’s the one who’s supposed to leave this earth. He doesn’t have a place here.

Why, he wonders, is it always the people that want to live who dies? And why, _why_ , is it always the people that want to die who lives?

 

-

 

He’s back to training again. He needs a way to exude all this anger and fighting is the best way he found. Most of the time, he’s alone in the practice room. Sometimes, when he has time, Namjoon joins him and they fight. Hard. And real. When they’re together, they fight like their life depends on it. They fight like the other is someone they’re supposed to kill. They’re not friends anymore. But rivals. And Taehyung loves that. Love the adrenaline that runs through his veins.

Jin comes too. Sometimes, when Namjoon is here too, they glance at each other. Taehyung knows they’re talking in their heads. He also knows that Namjoon cares about Jin. It’s so obvious it’s almost cringy. He doesn’t hate Jin for that. Why would he? Namjoon isn’t his, never was, never will be. He’s happy that he found someone that makes him feel good. Because Taehyung never got to be that for him. But he’s scared. He’s scared that Namjoon will leave him, get tired of him, prefer Jin’s presence over his. He’s scared of all this when he has no reasons to. Because Namjoon will die before he leaves him for someone else.

 

-

 

Yoongi is standing in front of him. Taehyung is covered in sweat and panting. They stare at each other for a long time. Taehyung won’t be the first one to speak. He won’t be the weak one. So he waits. He waits for Yoongi to break the silence and say something. Anything. Because he missed him. He hated that he missed him, but he still did and he feels miserable about it. He shouldn’t be feeling this way for someone that clearly doesn’t give a shit about him, nor respect him enough to tell him he didn’t want anything else than his butt in the first place.

“How are you?”

Taehyung smirks. How is he? He’s perfect. Never been better. Didn’t found his best friend’s dead body lying on the ground. Didn’t feel like he wanted to die every fucking minute of every fucking day. Didn’t want to fucking kill everyone in this shitty ass town. Didn’t get screwed by someone he trusted to be treated like shit right after. Because that’s also a thing. The sex part. Taehyung doesn’t sleep with people. Ever. The only person he had sex with until now was Namjoon. And he trusted him with his life. Then Yoongi appeared and made him feel less alone than anyone. They fucked. And he was alone again. So yeah, he’s perfectly fine and super happy with what he is.

“How do you think I feel?”

The words are archer than he wants them to be. He doesn’t want Yoongi to know how much he affected him. He doesn’t want to give him the power to hurt him. He doesn’t want him to be important. Taehyung might seem cold and unable to feel anything, but he’s a sensitive mess. He feels too much and it’s too strong and he can’t deal with feelings. He pretends like nothing gets to him when every detail gets him in the bone. He cares. He cares so fucking much.

“Look” Yoongi says, scratches his neck “about-about what happened between us…”

“Don’t worry about it” he cuts him, hands into fists “It didn’t mean anything”

Yoongi then looks at him in this weird way. This weird way that might look like he’s hurt and didn’t expect that. But Taehyung can’t be sure because he tries so hard to control his own feelings and it’s overwhelming.

“What do you mean it meant nothing?”

Yoongi breathes heavier now. Looks angry. And Taehyung doesn’t get why. Why is he angry when he was the one leaving him alone in the morning without a word or even a little note? Why is he angry when he was the one ignoring him for two weeks? Why is he angry when Taehyung was the one who got stepped on again?

“What, are you trying to say that it meant something to you?”

“Fuck yes it did!”

Taehyung blinks. Laughs coldly. He can’t believe this. Can’t believe this is actually happening to him. That’s why he never gets involve with anyone. It’s too complicated and it means things he doesn’t understand and then it means nothing anymore and then people get into fight.

“Why did you leave me then?” he shouts, out of breath “Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you ignore me for two weeks like I was some trash? Why?!”

He got closer while speaking. He went to Yoongi and he wants to punch him but he can’t. Because the look in Yoongi’s eyes stops him. Makes him shiver. It’s guilt, he thinks. Pure guilt. And he doesn’t comprehend it.

“I am sorry” Yoongi whispers, jaw tensed

“You’re sorry because I am calling you out, not because of what you’ve done”

And on that, he starts walking out of the room. But Yoongi grabs his arm and pulls him back. He touches him, he notices. He _touches_ him. Wildly opening his eyes, he tries to get out of him because he doesn’t want to have a vision, doesn’t want to see how he’ll die because he already saw too many people he cares about die. But he freezes. He freezes and can’t move, can’t breathe and he lost his mind, he thinks.

He completely lost his mind because nothing happens. There’s no vision, no death. Nothing. And he remembers. He remembers that he didn’t have any vision when they slept together either. Yoongi touched him all over, touched his skin in the most vulnerable places, but death didn’t join them. He was so out of his mind that he didn’t even notice something that important.

And he’s scared. So fucking scared. And confused. Why didn’t he see anything? Why is Yoongi different?

“What are you?” he asks, voice shaking.

Yoongi lets him, allows him to fall on the ground.

“I am Yoongi”

“NO”

His entire body is shaking and he can’t think straight and he wants Namjoon here with him because he feels like the man standing in front of him will hurt him in the most awful way.

“What the fuck are you?” he repeats, eyes wild “Why can’t I see you die?”

He murmured this last part, but Yoongi heard him, he’s sure. Also sitting on the ground, Yoongi looks at him. Brushes his hands together.

“You can’t see it because it happened already”

Looking up, Taehyung stares at him. What does he mean it already happened? What happened? What is happening to him? To them?

“I died Taehyung”

The world is blank. The world is blank and angels are real. They take you to your death and make you die and sometimes, you come back alive. You die but continue living. Yoongi is a survivor. He lived death and came back. Humans are conditioned to die once because there’s just one death given to them when they’re born. And angels are conditioned to only see it once.

One death per human. One vision per angel.

But apparently, rules have changed. Or maybe Taehyung never knew them but knew the ones his mother told him.

Taehyung isn’t the only one. He’s not the only angel living on this earth. There’s more of him than he can imagine. There’s more to know than he can understand. There’re people that met angels that weren’t him. Yoongi is one of them.

“Someone killed me” he says, in a sweet voice “They killed me but I came back because I wanted to fight more.”

There’re no sounds. Just him and Yoongi. Sitting. Staring. And Taehyung cries.

“There’s someone in Seoul” Yoongi says “There’s someone just like you that touched me one day and asked me if I died already because he couldn’t see anything either”

Taehyung can’t believe what Yoongi told him but the fact that he’s not alone, the fact that others like him exist makes the pain he felt for so long easier.

“So I am human Tae. I just came back to life”

 

-

 

One day, Taehyung asked Nathalie is she knew about other people like him. He asked her if she had any information about his ability and other potential people like him. But she didn’t know. She believed that he was the only one of his kind because she never knew or never heard of such people before she met him. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t the only one and for the first time in his life, he felt like he was part of something bigger than just himself.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Couldn’t stop imagining what it would feel like to meet another person like him. He feels weird to know this now. For his entire life, he thought he was unique and problematic and abnormal but it was all just a lie. He shouldn’t be surprised. His mother always had a passion for lies and fake stories.

 

-

 

Jin is standing in front of him, hair wet, face frowned, hands in front of his head. They’ve been fighting for two hours now and Taehyung wants out but Jin won’t let him. So he fights. He punches and jumps and falls on the ground but his mind is far away from here. It’s in Seoul, with the other angel. It’s somewhere it belongs.

“Focus” Jin shouts, punching him on the nose.

“I am focused!” he snaps back.

But he’s not. He knows that. Jin knows that. Everyone in this room knows that. Sighing, Jin shakes his head, scratches the back of his neck.

“Let’s stop here” Namjoon voices, behind him “You’re both tired”

Taehyung nods, happy to end this. He wants to take a shower, a long, long shower, to clean him from all his thoughts. He’s so lost in his own head that he forgets that his sleeves are up, his forearms exposed. Walking through the corridors, he wonders how he could get in contact with the angel in Seoul. He should ask Yoongi, when he sees him. Ask him about the location and what he looks like and if he’s nice or if he’s a dick. Turning a corner, he doesn’t see Hoseok. Hoseok doesn’t see him. They bump into each other and Hoseok grabs his wrist so he won’t fall.

Gasping, Taehyung looks at him before the world turns black and becomes pain. There’s pain everywhere, in every corner of his body, in every nerve. He falls on the ground, convulses, drools.

And he thinks that, this time, he died for real.

 

-

 

When he wakes up, it’s all white. And bright. His body feels sore, tensed, unmovable. Blinking, he swallows but his mouth his pasty and he needs water. Trying to get up, he groans. His head hurts.

“Hoseok, he’s awake”

The voice seems to come from under water. Or maybe Taehyung himself is under water. Looking around, he finds Hyuna staring at him with sad eyes. He doesn’t like to see her like that.

“Hey Taehyung” says Hoseok, sitting next to his bed “how are you feeling?”

“What-what happened?” he manages to say.

Winces, he closed his eyes. His head hurts so fucking much. Gentle hands circle his forehead, a warm feeling moving around his entire body. Sighing in relief, he smiles a little.

“You had a seizure”

Oh. No wonder he feels so terrible then.

“Did it happen because you touched me?” Hoseok asks, confusion in his eyes.

Swallowing, Taehyung tries to get up, but he feels too dizzy. He closes his eyes and breath for a second. How is going to explain it? How does he phrase it in a way that won’t hurt him or freak him out? Opening his yes, he glances at the young man. Here he is again.

“Remember… when you asked about my ability?”

Hoseok nods, getting tensed.

“I-When I touch people, I have visions. Like… the way people die is showed to me” he breaths “So when I touched you, I saw your death”

It gets easier, he notices. Speaking about what he can do. Maybe he should speak more. Maybe he should express himself so that he won’t feel like drowning anymore. There’s a silence after this. Hoseok stares at him, face blank. Almost like a statue.

“How did I die?” he finally asks.

Taehyung stares back. It’s not often that people want to know how they’re going to leave this earth. But he figured that Hoseok wasn’t the type that gets afraid, even by death. Blinking, he looks at his bed.

“I-I don’t know” he whispers.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Didn’t you see it?”

He did see it. But he doesn’t remember it. This happens sometimes. Not often, sure, but still.

“When someone’s death is too brutal, too painful for me to bare, I don’t remember it”

That’s what happened with his father. He got a seizure too. Same goes for Nathalie.

“So, what you’re saying is that I am going to die in a lot of pain?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I am saying”

 

-

 

He didn’t think that the idea of his mother near him again would terrify him that much. He didn’t think he would see her again. He didn’t think she would help them, in the end. Even when it’s against her will.

Sitting in one of the practice room, he plays with Jonah. The little kid grew up so much in the past few months and Taehyung feels happy. Happy that for the first time in his life, he didn’t mess up. Jonah’s stomach suddenly crawls. Smiling, Taehyung gets up.

“Wanna sneak into the kitchen and steal candies?” he asks, smirking.

Jonahs immediately gets up on his feet and they walk through the corridors, hands in hands.

He doesn’t see it right away. The stretcher. He only notices the blond hair walking with it. Blinking, he stops. Those blond hair, he never thought of seeing them again before a long time.

“Jimin?” he calls out, unsure.

The blond hair turns around and Taehyung stops breathing. There’s no hesitation. Jimin is back. And if Jimin is back, Jungkook is back too. There’s no expression on Jimin’s face. When their eyes meet, he stops walking for a second before coming his way. Letting go of Jonah’s hand, Taehyung walks towards him too.

“What are you…” he starts, but Jimin stops him right away.

“I am sorry Taehyung, but we didn’t have any other choice”

Confused, Taehyung blinks. Jimin has a special place in the agency. He’s the one that goes undercover, that risks his life every day. So when he’s like this, tensed and warning, something is always wrong.

“What are you talking about?”

Pushing his hand on Taehyung’s chest, he looks up at him. Guilt can almost be seen in his eyes, but it’s quick to disappear.

 “It’s your mother Taehyung. She’s here”

 

-

 

Taehyung’s life has always been chaotic. He doesn’t really remember a time where he was at peace. Even when he was a little child. It was always pain, darkness, sadness, disillusion. He doesn’t hope for a lot from this world. He knows it’s trash, rotted, unfair. But it can be less trash, rotted and unfair when you know where to go. Taehyung never knew where to go until Nathalie came into his life. He found what seems the most like a purpose. He felt a little better. Until now.

Sitting on a bench, in a little park no one goes to anymore, he smokes. Looking at his feet, he doesn’t hear the woman arriving.

“I thought you quick smoking”

Looking up, he watches her sit down. Sheila hasn’t changed a bit. Her skin is as dark and smooth as he remembers, her lips as puffy, her voice as deep.

“I did, but I felt like a cigarette was the thing I needed” he answers, exhaling the smoke.

“Do you want something stronger?”

Her voice is daring, and he’s almost tempted, but he shakes his head. It won’t be a good thing for him to fall down in drugs again.

“I just want you right now”

The silence that follows is strong on meanings. He met Sheila when he was a lost 15 years old boy that didn’t know how to settle his mind and took drugs as a solution. She was here for him in his dizziness and helped him cop with all of his feelings. She was the only one he could talk to, at some point, and he’s forever thankful for that.

She takes his hand in hers, and they stay here for a long time, listening to the city living without them.

“My mother is back”

He says it like it’s nothing, but he wants to scream. He wans to scream because this is so unfair. Why does she come back when he finally had something good happening to him? Why is she always here to bring him down?

Sheila is the only person he talked about his mother, other than Namjoon and Nathalie. She knows everything, or at least the most he could say. She doesn’t know he has an ability. She doesn’t know about the double life he’s living, and that’s perfect like that. He needs someone to feel normal with. He needs someone to pretend with. And Sheila is that for him. She’s his secret garden.

“What are you gonna do about it?”

He knows already. He knows what he has to do and it’s killing him but there’s no other choice. Because he saw it happen and there’s no other way around. And he’s not afraid to say it to her because he knows she understands him, she knows what it’s like to hate your parents and wanting them gone.

“She has to disappear for good”

 

________________________

 

 

Taehyung hates the colour red. With passion. It reminds him of blood. Of death. And it’s too much. He used to like it before. His father used to wear red shirts all the time. And little Taehyung thought that it suited him so, so well. Red became his colour. He would wear it too. As shoes, t-shirts, gloves. Then his dad died. And he banned the colour. No more red t-shirts, no more read shoes, no more red gloves around him.

Today, his mother is wearing red. It looks good on her. He hates that. He hates her. He wants her gone, out of here, away from him and what he cares about. He’s afraid again. Because of her. But it’s a different kind of fear. He doesn’t quite understand it, but he doesn’t hate it. He accepts it.

He’s not supposed to be here. He’s not supposed to know that she’s here, to begin with. He’s not supposed to come see her, talk to her, breath the same air as her. Nathalie was very clear on that point.

“You don’t go near her Taehyung” she said, pointing a finger at him “You don’t go down there”

But he didn’t listen. He came anyway. He came to look at her, to see what she looked like after all those years. He wanted to remember. She didn’t change, really. Same long hair. Same soft eyes. Same round face. Same small body. It’s crazy how they look alike, he and her. They’re both petty, ready to do what it takes to success; they both like to be alone and snap back at people; they both enjoy classical music. They’re both monsters.

He wants to talk to her. He wants to tell her what he thinks and what he will do once the path is clear. He wants her to know what he’s capable of for himself. It’s weird, he thinks. Really weird that envy of seeing someone that made your life hell. Weird how you want to know what they look like, your tortures. Weird how you want to see how they grew up and ended up.

You ask yourself. What do they think? What do they dream of? How did their actions affect them? How did they go on with life after making you cry, beg, bleed, hate? Will they act like they didn’t brake you? Will they act like what they did to you was normal?

Taehyung doesn’t feel like breathing anymore. He doesn’t feel like keeping going. All he wants, when he looks at his mother, is to disappear, hide himself in the closet and never come back. Why didn’t she kill him? Why didn’t she get read of him like she got read of the other children? He knows she didn’t see him as her son anymore, so why keeping him alive for so long? Why would she make him watch them die? He has so, so many questions for her. So many thinks he doesn’t understand even after nights and nights of research.

His head hurts again. His chest feels heavy like never before. He hates seeing her so calm. Why isn’t she crying? Why isn’t she shaking? Why isn’t she asking for forgiveness? _Fuck,_ he thinks. He’s going insane.

“I am sorry for bringing her here”

Taehyung blinks. He would like to say something but he doesn’t trust his voice right now. He feels that if he speaks, he’ll break. Jimin sighs behind him, like he hasn’t been sleeping for a long time. Which is probably the case.

“Taehyung” he continues, almost careful “We need to talk”

 

-

 

Taehyung lied before, when he said he didn’t remember him ever being happy.

When he was five, Taehyung parents took him to the beach. It’s was the first time in his life he saw the ocean. He was so happy, back then, watching at the waves coming back and forth to his feet, watching at the birds flying above him. He still remembers the salty smell, the sensation of the sand, the wind playing with his hair.

This memory of him playing with his dad, wet and itchy, is maybe the only happy memory he has from his past that wasn’t blood and screaming and pain. It might even be the only memory left of him outside laboratories.

He used to relive it, at night, when the silence kept him awake. He used to dream he was back there, playing with his dad. He would talk to him, at times. Talk about the kind of food he wished he had, the kind of clothes he wished he was wearing. He dreamed of school, too. He dreamed of learning new things, of playing with other kids, drawing and running.

Sitting in one of the conference room, he imagines himself running. Jimin is sitting in front of him while Jungkook plays with a rubik’s cube. Taehyung wonders why Nathalie isn’t here but he doesn’t dare ask questions.

Taehyung is running on the sand, his father behind him, laughing and calling his name. But it’s not his father calling his name right now. It’s Jimin.

“Taehyung, are you listening to what I am saying?”

Blinking, going back to reality, Taehyung focus on Jimin. Says “no” and isn’t even sorry about that. Jimin sighs again, looks at Jungkook. Bites his lips like he wants to say something but keep it inside.

“He said we needed you” speaks Jungkook, not looking away from his rubik’s cube.

“Need me?” repeats Taehyung “Need me for what?”

“You have to go back inside NARSA”

When Taehyung laughs, he doesn’t really hear himself. He just feels it. His body is shaking and his cheeks hurt because he’s smiling too much, too big. Jimin doesn’t laugh. He’s dead serious. Jungkook too. He stopped playing, simply looks at him now. There’s ~~sadness~~ pity in their eyes and Taehyung dreams of popping them out and make them eat it.

“I am not coming back. Ever”

“I know it’s hard but…” says Jimin, but Taehyung doesn’t let him finish.

“No, you don’t know shit. You don’t know shit about what it’s like to go back to people that destroyed you, to go back to people that are so disgusted by you they want you cut out in pieces”

Taehyung swore to himself that he would never go back to them. He swore he would never have anything to do with them anymore. But the truth is, NARSA is part of him. NARSA is everywhere. In his head, in his skin, in other people’s mouths. He swore he would never go back, but he did. He came back when people started to follow him, when Jin, Hoseok and Yoongi came in. He came back when he did that mission a couple of weeks ago.

He went back. He broke his promise. And he can’t believe it. He can’t believe he fell back, didn’t pay attention to the details, didn’t understand that people, the people around him, were doing everything to have him back into the circle.

_I am a tool_ , he thinks. _I am a tool and they’re using me to have NARSA._

Nothing is real. Nothing is pure. Nothing is what you think it is.

There’s silence in the room. No one is speaking. Jungkook stopped playing. Taehyung is staring at Jimin, who’s staring right back. Taehyung already went back. So, he thinks, why not go further?

“Keep going”

Jimin blinks, opens his mouths slightly, but doesn’t loose a second before he starts speaking.

 

-

 

It will rain soon. Clouds are making their way into the city sky, ready to cry. Taehyung loves rain as much as he hates it. He loves the sounds of it, the smell, but hates the wet, the little drops. The wind slaps him, make his hair fly. He’s cold. He’s cold but somehow, he doesn’t feel anything. For a change.

The roof door opens a couple of minutes later. Taehyung doesn’t bother looking at who it is. He simply looks at the city. The lights, the buildings, the cars, the people. It’s so noisy. Noisy in the good way. It’s the noisy of life, of occupation, of determination.

Taehyung thinks about the people. Wonders. Imagines. What do they think? What do they eat? What and who do they love? Are they walking their dogs every day? Are they getting married?

One night, a couple of years ago, he went out at night. He wanted to walk in the city, look at it when the sun is gone. He wanted to see people live after the sun. Night and day aren’t that different. It’s always busy, noisy, full. People still laugh, still drink, still work, still look for answers. He stopped in front of a bar at some point. He looked at the people there, having fun. And this could have been him. This could have been is life. His boring, unsuccessful life. And he would have been happy, just like that.

“You wanted to see me?”

Blinking, Taehyung turns around. Hamid are standing a couple of feet away, hands in their jeans’ pockets. They never really talked before this. Never really looked at each other. But Taehyung knows Hamid are nice, he knows they will help him.

“Make me fly” Taehyung says.

There’s silence for a couple of seconds after that. Hamid are looking at him in confusion. Taehyung knows this isn’t something people must ask often. He knows that this type of request isn’t always taking right. But Hamid don’t seem to be offend but it. Just confused.

“What?” they ask, staring at Taehyung.

“Make me fly” he repeats, getting closer to them “I want you to fly with me” A breath “And I want you to let me fall” A pause “Catch me at the very last moment”

In general, kids dream about flying. They dream to touch the clouds, feel them, sleep on them. They dream of flying until they learn that touching clouds is impossible, let alone flying. Taehyung never wanted to fly. Never thought about it. Until now. He doesn’t really want to fly, so to say. He just wants to get high and fall to the ground.

Hamid are hesitant at first, and Taehyung doesn’t blame them. Who isn’t hesitant about using their powers with strangers? Taehyung hopes they will say yes. He hopes they won’t have prejudice against him, especially after what has been happening lately.

He’s pleasantly surprised when, after some time, they nod. Realising a breath he didn’t know he was holding, Taehyung nods back. Slowly, Hamid circle Taehyung’s waist and get him closer to them.

“Take deep breathes” they warn him before deploy their wings.

As they go up, Taehyung realises that it’s colder up there. The wind is meaner, dryer, stronger. But he doesn’t mind, really. He takes all in, smirking a little. They fly for a couple of minutes before Hamid stop. There’s no sounds expect for the wind.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Hamid ask.

Taehyung nods. In normal circumstances, he would be afraid, like anyone would. But, strangely, he doesn’t feel anything. He says “yes, I am” and he can feel Hamid tensing a little.

“Take deeper breathes” they finally say “I’ll let you fall on the count of three”

And as numbers are counted, Taehyung closes his eyes. His heart is beating fast, very fast, but it’s excitement. Fear is something he doesn’t think he can feel anymore.

He hears “three”. And he falls.

He falls, falls, falls.

Into the ground. Into his own darkness. Into nothing.

 


	5. #5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning (and spoiler uh oh) : there's a descriptive death scene with blood toward the end of the chapter. If this is something you're sensitive about, please read with caution or just ask me in the comments what happens of you don't want to read it at all  
> Also, the begining of the story has been very dark, but it will be a little lighter from now on (probably)  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy

He goes back to his mom. He goes back to her because that the only thing he can do. He goes back to her because he wants her to see him. He wants her to see how her son grew up, how he got his life together, even if it’s just a big game of pretending. He wants her to realise he doesn’t need her in his life. He wants her to realise that she isn’t needed.

He thinks he’s ready. He thinks he’s capable of facing her and be strong. He can do it, right? He’s not a child anymore. He’s stronger. At least, he hopes he is.

It’s only when he stands in front of her that it hits him. Hard. It’s only when she says “hi Taehyunnie”, in that sweet, sweet voice of hers that he realises. He’s not ready. He can’t do it. What a fool he was.

He swallows dry saliva, sweat forming on his forehead. How stupid he was to think he was capable of anything.

“You grew up well” she continues “It’s good”

She doesn’t even seem bothered by the situation. She doesn’t even seem to feel anything. Or she doesn’t show it. She’s always been good at pretending.

That’s something else they share.

Is he really her son, Taehyung wonders. Is she happy to see him? Disgusted? Confused? Angry? Taehyung doesn’t know anything about his mother. He doesn’t know anything and it bothers him as much as it pleases him. He doesn’t want to know anything about her, really. And yet, at the same time, he desperately _wants to_.

He wants to know what’s her favorite food. What’s her favorite colour. What’s her birth date. How she met his dad. What school she went to. Taehyung wants to know his mother like any normal child would. He wants to know what it would be like to have her as a mom, and not just as his doctor.

But what would he want to know? Why does it matter? He doesn’t need to know her, doesn’t need to know anything. He doesn’t want to learn more about the person who abused him for most of his life. He doesn’t want to learn how kind she can be. How affectionate, tender, soft, loving.

He’s torn apart between the need to know and the need to hate. Torn apart because he wants her to be dead and wants her to be alive at the same time. He’s losing control. A control so fragile, so barely here.

Coming back to her was foolish. It was stupid and dangerous. But he needed to do this. He needed to show her. Needed to go forward and be his own person, for once.

“Don’t play nice” he finally articulates, fist too tight.

He saw her do that a billion times. Playing sweet and nice, having people to love her and trust her when deep down, all she was was a monster. She looks at him with that little smile only her has the secret of. She looks at him like she would look at her opponent. She studies him, her eyes tracing his body by every centimetre. She tries to intimidate him. She tries to have him pliant and scared.

“Don’t act like you can tell me what to do” she says back, slowly, articulating every syllable.

Taehyung doesn’t like the sound of her voice anymore. He doesn’t like hearing her speak. He doesn’t like the way she sits, like she owns the place and isn’t, in the slightest way, a prisoner. But Taehyung knows. This time, the roles are reversed. He’s going to be her. She’s going to be him.

“Don’t forget I saw how you’re supposed to die”

His voice is surprisingly steady, neutral. He didn’t flinch. She did something to him, when she opened her mouth. Something happened inside of him and he doesn’t know if it’s good or bad. He’s not afraid of it, not repulsed, so maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe it’s a good thing because this time, he’s in control. He can make her feel pain, fear, more pain. He can make her _feel_ everything. Her eyes open wide at the words, and that’s how he knows. He won.

“You were the first person I saw the death of, you know?” he says, taking a step forward “I know how it supposed to happen”

The only thing his mother is afraid of, is death. She doesn’t want to die, to know how she will die, if she will feel pain, if it’s going to be quick or agonising. He sees it in her eyes. By the way her breath slows down, her jaw tenses, her eyes flinch.

Taehyung thinks she became like this because of him. Because of what he could do. Because he scared her so much the moment he said he saw her die that she decided to destroy him in order to not be destroyed.

“Is it going to be soon?” he whispers, looking at the table between them “Is it going to be painful?” he continues, smiling.

He wants to play with her a little. He wants to mess with her emotions like she messed with his. He places his hands on the table, leaning on it a little.

“Is it going to be me killing you?”

Her emotions switch at that. She smiles. Gains her composure back.

“You can’t kill me Taehyung” she laughs, licking her lips “You don’t have what it takes to do it”

Slowly, he looks at her wrists, tied up. Hopefully, it’s too tight. Hopefully, it’s hurting her. Slowly, he draws a smile on his face. Slowly, he walks to her, stopping a couple of centimetres away. When he tends his arm and slightly touches his mother’s cheek, she stops smiling. When his hand, slowly, so, so slowly, moves to her throat, she blinks.

She says “what are you-“ but she loses her voice when he applies some pressure. Her skin is smooth, nice to touch. It wakes something in him. Something dark, and big, and dangerous. He applies more pressure, more, more, until she gags and open her mouth, begging for air. There’s panic in her eyes. There’s panic because she must have seen something in Taehyung’s eyes. She must have seen the seriousness of the situation, the way he doesn’t hesitate anymore, the way his smile didn’t leave his face, but rather changed into something else. Something sadistic.

“You killed every single person I ever cared about. You killed my friends, tortured them” he breathes, his face near hers “You killed my dad, the person you were supposed to love the most, and yet you think I won’t hurt you when I have the chance?”

He chokes her more now. She can barely breath, barely keeps her eyes open. Taehyung likes that. He likes the way her face changes colors, the way her eyes get wet, the way veins are forming on her forehead. He likes, likes, likes strangling her. 

“I am going to make sure you feel what they felt” he murmurs, right in her ears.

She tries to speak, but the only sound that gets out of her mouth is a weak moan, a weak attempt at catching her breath. It’s only when he sees her closing her eyes, it’s only when he can see her torso stop moving that he lets her go. He takes a step back and admires his work. Admires how messed up he got her by just putting his hand around her throat.

Then, he slaps her, allowing her body to automatically takes a deep breath in. She coughs, spit falling on her chin and breast. Taehyung looks at her for a couple of second before he turns around and leaves the room.

As he walks to his room, his heart beats fast and hard. He feels euphoric. Liberated. Full of joy and contentment. He did it, he thinks. He did that to her. And if he can do that, he can go all the way.

 

-

 

Taehyung isn’t sorry for anything anymore.

He’s not sorry for himself. He’s not sorry for Namjoon. He’s not sorry for anyone. Being sorry doesn’t bring you anything, it doesn’t make you go forward. It blocks you in the past. Blocks you from letting go. And Taehyung is letting go. He lets go because nothing has taste anymore. Nothing has colors and feelings.

As he’s looking at his mom, unconscious on the infirmary bed, tubes and needles surrounding her, he smiles a little.

He’s asking himself the same questions again. What is it like to have a mom? What is it like to be loved? What is it like to be normal?

All Taehyung wanted in life was simplicity. He wanted to go to school, to make friends, to have bad grades that would make his parents angry. He wanted Christmas parties and Halloween and birthdays. He had none of that. He had everything but normality and peace.

He’s not sorry for wanting to kill his mother. He’s not sorry for dreaming of it, imagining it, feeling it in his bones. He’s not sorry that he will do it, for real, one day.

“Taehyung” he hears, in the back of his head. “Taehyung, you don’t have to see this”

But Taehyung doesn’t listen to Yoongi. He doesn’t look at him, doesn’t move a bit. He wants to see her weak, and chained, and her head invaded.

After trying to have Jisoo talk, after trying torture, threats, forgiveness, Namjoon will read her. He will look into her. Into her darkest secrets, into what she had done, to Taehyung, other children, other people, into all the information she has. And finally, after months of questions, they will have what they wanted.

His mother shot him a glance once, after Nathalie came and talked to her. She glanced at him and it was like she was saying “I am watching you Taehyung”, and “I know what you did and will do”. What happened between them, his action, his desire, his lost mind, he gave it all to her that time. But she won’t say anything. She’ll stay silent. This, she was implying, would be their little secret.

One day, Taehyung thinks, when all of this will be over, when they wouldn’t need her anymore, he’s going to kill her. He’s going to kill her and he wants her to know it was him. He wants her to look at him in the eyes and comprehend that yes, her own son is taking her life away. He wants her to see how much pleasure he’s going to have while doing it.

_She’s going to die_ , he whispers to himself. She’s going to disappear once and for all.

 

 

_______________

 

 

Taehyung loved his dad. His dad loved him. They were inseparable. Wherever his father went, Taehyung would follow. He would walk like him, speak like him, eat like him, laugh like him. Taehyung wanted to be his father. He wanted to be as tall, as handsome, as kind and loving. He wanted to make his father proud. Proud of having him as his son, proud to present him to his colleagues.

But they never got to do that. Never got the meet the colleagues, never got to travel to the other side of the world. His father never got to see him play at the school’s musical, never got to see him learn how to ride a bick, never got to meet his teachers. They never got the chance to do all of this because his father was a busy man, because he got killed when he tried to help his son.

Taehyung remembers. He remembers how his father woke him up in the middle of the night. How he told him to pack, to only take what was important. How he ran to the car, and drove them out of the city. How confused he was because it was night time and “where is mom?” and “why isn’t she here?” and “daddy, why are you crying?”.

Taehyung remembers how the car got crashed. How the fire burned his flesh. How blood was escaping from his father’s mouth. How, as he was dragged away from the car by foreign arms, his father got shot in the head, for good measure. How his father got taken away from him.

He remembers how his father used to laugh and used to smile and used to take him in his arms. He remembers he didn’t cry that night. He didn’t even scream. He simply took in. Swallowed. Buried. Probably too confused to comprehend any of what was happening.

His father knew. He knew what kind of things his mother was capable of, what she would do to him. He tried to save him, to save them both, but she was smarter. More powerful. She got both of them. Took both of their lives.

“I love you Tae” cried his father. _“I am sorry”._ “You’re a good boy”. “Please always be a good boy”

_You did well Taehyung. Be strong._

 

-

 

It took a couple of days, but they got what they wanted.

Sitting on the ground, looking at his feet, Taehyung isn’t listening to any of the people talking. He’s lost in his thoughts. A mixt of his days in cages and Jimin’s words and Namjoon’s and Nathalie’s. He doesn’t actually need to listen to Namjoon talk because he knows already. Where’s the new building. How many guards there are. How many rooms, stairs, staff.

Jimin told him everything, that time. Told him he was the only one that could possibly destroy, for good, NARSA. Because they wanted him to go back there. Go back there and play victim and make them take him back.

“The only way to finish them is from the inside” Jimin had say “Only you know them, only you can trick them good enough to end this”

They wanted him to take their place. Go undercover. Taehyung’s ready to do a lot of things to destroy NARSA. He’s willing to try and do what needs to be done. He’s ready to kill, to steal, to hurt. What he’s not ready for, though, is going back there. He can’t. Can’t see those walls again. Can’t smell the blood and medication again. Can’t hear the screams, the begging, the cries.

Going back there would be like going back to death. But not the death he wanted. The other. The abomination. The forced one. He said no, of course. He said “I don’t want to”, “Why would you make me do this”, “What’s wrong with you”, “Please never make me go back there”.

Yet, in some sort of way, he’s back in a cage. He’s oppressed, ignored, hurt, unable to be make them see him. He feels like a wall. A cup in the back of the shield, hidden by other more important cups. He can’t breathe. He can’t see clear. He can’t hear because he’s under water again. He looks at the papers, the words writing on the walls but he can’t decipher them.

“We need to act up now” says Namjoon “We have all the information we need, more than we ever dreamed of. We can’t let that opportunity go”

“I know” Nathalie responds “But we can’t be careless either. We need a plan, a little more time”

She stops for a second, her eyes on Taehyung.

“We need to do this the right way”

There’s no right way in war. There’s no good or bad side, no good or bad action. It’s war. It’s ugly, and inhuman, blind to morality. They never went so close to NARSA before. Never went so far up its ass. Taehyung can almost feel it. In the air, their eyes, the tension in their bodies. They’re reaching their goal, they’re almost there, almost done.

Taehyung finds it amusing and terrifying at the same time. The tension makes him shiver, sweat, brings tears in his eyes. Tears he thought he no longer had. But those tears, he knows, are not from the fear of failing. Those tears are tears he wishes he would never have to cry but will anyways because life is a bitch and fate is inevitable. Those tears are a warning. The last one.

Taehyung is crying now. Really crying. Sobbing like a child, curled up in himself, head about to explode.

They will fail, in the end. They will prepare for any possible scenarios, any possible complication. They will analyse every bit of the walls, grounds, doors, cameras. But the result will be the same.

Failure is the fate at the end of the tunnel.

He wants to tell them that. He wants to warn them, explain to them why and how, if he knew how. But he knows they won’t listen to him. They never do. They didn’t listen for the guns, they won’t listen for the mission either because they’re obsessed with succeeding, obsessed with the idea of taking NARSA down. But NARSA can’t be destroyed. Not completely. It’s like cockroaches. You can never get read of them.

When Namjoon takes him back to his room, deep, reassuring voice in his ears, Taehyung grabs his arm, hard. He looks at him for a moment, eyes moving, unfocused. And slowly, delicate, he kisses him. He kisses him all the love he can find in him, all the desperation he’s been holding in for so long. He kisses him like he never kissed him before, like he’s never gonna see him again if he lets go. So he doesn’t let go. He kisses, and takes, and gives and holds on the only thing that makes him feel good.

And never mind if Namjoon isn’t kissing him back, or if he is. Nevermind what other people will see, what they will think. Because this, this kiss, is the ultimate warning Taehyung can give. A warning he’s not understanding.

“I love you” he breathes, in between two kisses “You know that, right? That I love you?”

Namjoon cups his face in his hands, his big, delicate hands. He looks at him with worried yet soft eyes.

“Yes” he says “I know. And I love you too”

 

-

 

Sheila is surprised to see him again. He can see it in her eyes. He surprised himself, too, when he woke up in the middle of the night and went out. It took him a certain amount of time before getting his phone out and calling her. He didn’t want to, at first. Thought he was only out for a couple of hours to just walk, think about things he didn’t want to think but had to anyways, or else it would eat him alive.

He walked until he couldn’t feel his feet anymore, until his legs couldn’t support him any longer. He sat on a bench, in a park, and called her. She didn’t pick up at first, so he thought “that’s good” and “that’s more than good”. He smiled a bit. But then, she called back. They talked for a minute before she told him “I’m on my way Taehyung. Don’t move”.

That’s why she’s here now, standing still in front of him. Nights aren’t as cold anymore, so she’s just wearing a jacket over her bra. She looks beautiful, he tells himself. Really beautiful. It makes him laughs, a bit. He’s standing in front of a goddess, one of the most beautiful women he’s ever met, and he looks like shit. He hasn’t been showering for a couples of days, hasn’t been eating, hasn’t been sleeping. He has bags under his eyes and his skin his oily and he shivers like hell.

What a terrible show he must be giving her. But Sheila doesn’t mind. She doesn’t mind because she knew him when he was in his worst place, she loved him no matter how bad he looked or smelled. She supported him, even in his bad decisions. They’re the same, Taehyung thinks. Both orphans. Both abused kids. Both addicts. They understand each other.

He wants to take her in his harms. He wants her to take him in her arms. He gets up and walks to her, hands in his pockets, unsure if she will give him the recomfort he’s so desperate for. Without a word, she offers him the security of her arms and without thinking, without waiting, he goes under her care.

“Oh, Taehyung” she breathes “What did she do to you?”

Taehyung lets go. He gives up. He cries in her shoulder, holding her tight. They stay like this for a long time, not speaking, not moving, just feeling. And when Taehyung is done, when he doesn’t have any tears to cry, when he’s too tiring to cry, they walk a bit.

The sun is about to go up, about to cover the little stars that passed through the pollution to shine for the few people looking up at them. They get on the ground then, lying on their backs, waiting for the colours to change. Their shoulders are touching, their legs are interwind. Taehyung feels like fifteen again, being like this. It’s nice, he thinks. Feeling safe is nice.

Moving one of his hands under his head, he sighs. Blinks. Focuses his eyes on the last reminding star.

“I need pills”

He didn’t want to say it at first. He wanted to ask for cigarettes, but pills always worked better anyways. So he didn’t stop the words getting out of his mouth. He let them roll on his tongue. It feels weird to say it, again. It feels weird to get back to where he fought so hard not to go back to. But he’s weak. So very weak. Nothing has taste anymore, nothing is appealing, nothing gives him envy. So he’s getting pills to try and feel something again.

Or maybe he’ll save them for something else. He doesn’t know yet.

“Can you get them for me?”

He turns to look at her. Her eyes are already on him, scanning him. He knows what she must be thinking. He knows the doubt in her eyes, knows she doesn’t want him to go down that road again. But she’s too nice to say anything, listening to him too much to dare contradict him.

“I just need the small ones. Nothing too strong” he says, making her understand he doesn’t want to lose himself. He just wants to feel.

“Sure” she finally whispers.

Watching her, watching as her eyes flicker, examine him, he smiles. And as they keep staring at each other, he leans in, gets closer to her, touches her nose with his, to, in the end, kiss her lips and lose himself in the sensation she gives out to him.

 

-

 

A couple of days later, Taehyung is watching Jonah during his training session. He didn’t notice, but the boy grew up well those past few months. He’s taller than most of the other kids, quicker and more adventurous. Many times, this got him in trouble, but he didn’t seem to care. Making trouble was his favorite game, as it seems. Jonah reminds him of himself, Taehyung thinks. Always looking out for fights and troubles and angry adults.

But Jonah is a better person than Taehyung is. Better than he will ever be. Because Jonah has this innocence, this pureness in his heart, this goodness. All Taehyung got ripped of before he could even read properly.

They’ve been lacking encounters lately. Taehyung’s fault. He just simply didn’t want to corrupt him, make him see the monster he really was. He wanted, just-just someone, to see him as a human being. He wanted someone with no apprehension, no memories, no fear. He likes the person he was for Jonah. He likes that caring, nice, emotionally available Taehyung he fakes around the kid. He wishes he was like that, for real. But he was better at living lies anyways.

Hoseok appears then, sitting next to him nonchalantly, his cup of coffee hanging in his long fingers. Taehyung doesn’t look at him. Focuses even more on Jonah. They stay in silence for a couple of minutes until Hoseok turns his gaze to Taehyung. After trying to ignore it as much as he could, Taehyung gives up. Sighing, he turns to Hoseok, his eyebrows raised.

“What do you want?” he asks, trying to keep his voice steady.

“How are you?” Hoseok asks back.

Taken aback, Taehyung blinks. He didn’t expect Hoseok, from all people, to ask him that. Jin, yes. Yoongi, in his substile ways, yes. But Hoseok? No. Because Hoseok isn’t good like the rest of them. He doesn’t care about the people he has no affection for, doesn’t ask them questions, doesn’t look at them, doesn’t even bother to a _cknowledge_ their existence. Hoseok doesn’t like Taehyung. Taehyung doesn’t blame him. He doesn’t even like himself so how could other people really like him?

That’s why he’s so surprised by his attitude. Did Jin ask him to ask that question? Did Nathalie put him into befriending him so they could have a closer eye on him? This option wouldn’t surprise him. She did it before. But does it really matter, anymore? Does he really have the strength to fight back? Does he even have the will to?

_How are you_. He hates this question. It’s stupid. Not even sincere. People don’t actually care about your answers when they ask it. You can’t even be honest. So Taehyung simply snorts, rolling his eyes.

“I’m fine, thanks for the concern”

Looking at Jonah again, he tries to forget about his thoughts. He tries to forget Hoseok, Namjoon, NARSA, his heavy chest.

“He’s a good kid, Jonah” Hoseok says, after a while.

Taehyung stops breathing. Unconsciously, he tightens his wrist. Straightens his back. He looks like a mother ready to jump on anything willing to hurt her offspring.

“A very good kid. Smiles a lot, very polite, even though he likes to create troubles for times to times” he laughs, drinking some of his coffee “But what 8 years old wouldn’t do so?”

“What are you trying to say Hoseok?”

Taehyung’s voice is low, almost shaking. He turns his face to Hoseok, eyes narrowed, jaws tensed. He doesn’t understand what Hoseok is talking about, doesn’t like the affection he can hear in his voice. Hoseok doesn’t even know Jonah. He never saw them together, never heard Jonah talked about him, in any ways. So what would Hoseok know?

There’s a voice in the back of his mind, reminding him that he doesn’t see everything Jonah is doing. There’s a voice in the back on his mind, that’s reminding him that Jonah is free of talking to whoever, play with whoever, grow up like whatever. Taehyung doesn’t have full control over him, and he must keep that in mind. He tends to forget it sometimes.

“Spill it out”

Hoseok is looking at him, almost like he’s bored, but there’s something in his eyes. Something Taehyung can’t decipher. Something almost soft, almost nice. He’s looking at him like he cares what Taehyung thinks, what he feels, what he endures. And that doesn’t make any sense.

Hoseok is looking at him, almost smiling now. Almost gentle in his way of speaking when he says “You did a good job”.

 

-

 

How Taehyung got himself in this situation, he couldn’t really tell. How he got out of the agency covered in blood, he couldn’t really tell. How he got to Sheila without being arrested, he couldn’t really tell. All he knew was that, after days of waiting, listening, sneaking around, he did something. Something bad. Something so very bad.

He didn’t mean to do it this way. He didn’t mean for things to turn the way they did. But what’s done is done. You can’t go back in time to change things. You can only live with your actions and their consequences.

Taehyung-Taehyung killed. He killed and ran away because running away is the only thing he’s good at. He killed, but this time, he did it with a clear mind. This time, he didn’t need any trigger, any anger. He just needed to open his eyes and simply do it.

So he did.

When Nathalie made it clear that they had absolutely all they needed, that his mother was no longer useful for gathering information, Taehyung took his decision. He couldn’t sleep for days, even with the pills Sheila had gotten him. He was so euphoric he couldn’t do anything other than walk around his room, thinking, and thinking, and thinking again. He didn’t know how to act. Didn’t know if he had what was needed to do it.

Maybe is mother was right. Maybe he was just a stupid, utopic, weak boy desperate to be loved. Maybe she was right when she said he wouldn’t be able to do anything to her. But he still wanted to be sure. Still wanted to see it himself. He was tired of people speaking over him. Tired of people speaking for him. He was his own person, damn it, he had the right to act on himself, for himself.

So he went back to his mother. Of course he went back to her.

He went back to her because that the only thing he can do. He went back to her because he wanted her to see him. He wanted her to see how her son grew up, how he got his life together, even if it was just a big game of pretending. He wanted her to realise he didn’t need her in his life. He wanted her to realise that she wasn’t needed in this world anymore.

He thought he was ready. He thought he was capable of facing her and be strong. He could do it, right? He wasn’t a child anymore. He was stronger. At least, he hoped he was.

His mother was asleep when he entered her room. She had her back turned to him, breathing deeply. Taehyung stayed a long time there, at the door, watching her, watching how small she looked. He didn’t prepare anything, didn’t bring anything. He thought his hands would be enough to do the job, but maybe he should have thought of bringing something, just in case.

His heart was beating absurdly fast, but his body was surprisingly steady. He wasn’t really in control of himself at that moment. The only things he could think of was all the hurt she inflicted him, all the hurt she inflicted to other people. Other children. All he could think of was how she haunted him, even in the safest places. How she took away everything that was good in him.

He took a step forward, then another, and another. He walked to her bed, breathing deeply, eyes focused on her. All he had to do was turning her over, place his hands on her throat and squeeze. It was simple, easy, straight forward. So he did it. He turned her over, hands ready to chock, but his body froze. His eyes opened wildly.

His mother wasn’t asleep. She was looking right at him, a little smile on her face, eyes pure evil. She was scary, Taehyung thought. Scary like those old witches in children’s books.

“Hi Taehyunnie” she said, before slamming her hand to his face. There was a burning sensation in his cheek, and when he touched it and looked at his fingers, he saw blood. His blood. Looking up at his mother, quick to be on her feet, he saw the scalpel in her hands. This, he thought, wasn’t part of the plan. This, he thought, wasn’t what he wanted.

He would be dead if he didn’t have the reflex to step back before she could move her arm. He would be dead because this wasn’t a game anymore. It wasn’t a fantasy. It was real and raw and brutal and Taehyung had to fight for his life now. This was him or her. Life or death.

His mother was a good fighter. She was quick, agile, flexible. But Taehyung didn’t have anything to lose and everything to gain. So he fought back. He fought back the mother he never had, the mother that didn’t want him, didn’t see him as human. He fought the mother that wanted him dead.

He was in a weak position here, unarmed. But this didn’t stop him. If someone saw them that night, fighting, reaching victory, it would have been easy to describe them. Dancers. They were like dancers, jumping around, collapsing, touching, falling. It was brutal, a game of survival. And it wouldn’t stop until one of them would drop dead.

Maybe it was luck, maybe it was his desperation, maybe it was because he was _good,_ better than her. Maybe if was because she didn’t think her son was worth a real fight. Maybe because things were too quick. No one knows, no one will ever know. But in the end, Taehyung got her scalpel. He got her scalpel in his hands and didn’t think twice before acting.

With a groan, coming from the deep seed of his chest, he slammed her neck. Cut it open. Had the blood explode to his face and chest and hands. He cut her throat and watched her has she was dying, her eyes losing focus, her chest convulsing, searching for air. And as she was collapsing on the ground, suffocating in her own blood, Taehyung jabbed the scalpel in her heart. Jabbed it in her stomach, jabbed it all over her body. He couldn’t stop, simply couldn’t stop stabbing her, giving her as much pain as he could.

And after a while, barely breathing, frantic, hands shaking, head in the verse of exploding, Taehyung got on the ground. His eyes were focused on the ceiling, not seeing anything. His mother’s blood was wetting his hair, his cloths, his skin. But he didn’t care. He couldn’t bring himself to care. He doesn’t know how long he stayed there, silent, her dead body a couple of centimetres away.

It’s only when he looked up at his mother that it hit him. It hit him that this wasn’t how things were supposed to happen. This wasn’t what he saw on his vision, when he touched her.

Jisoo was supposed to die in a car accident. A truck was supposed to crash into her. He wasn’t supposed to kill her, at all.

He didn’t mean to do it this way. He didn’t mean for things to turn the way they did. But what’s done is done. You can’t go back in time to change things. You can only live with your actions and their consequences.

How Taehyung got away, he couldn’t tell. How he had the strength to get up and leave, he couldn’t tell. All he knows is that he’s now in the kitchen of his old apartment, body shaking, tears running down his cheeks into his open mouth, his neck, his chest. He smells sweat, blood and fear.

As the phone rings, Taehyung isn’t sure if he will be able to speak at all. How could he? After what he’s done? But he has too. He had to do something get the hell out this skin, this prison, this fucking hell.

“Taehyung?”

Sheila’s voice sounds like music to his ears. There’re muffled noises in the back, but he can hear her perfectly well. Swallowing hard, he tries to speak but all that gets out of his mouth is a weak moan. How is he supposed to ask for help? How is he supposed to explain what he did? How is he supposed to look at himself in the mirror?

“Taehyung, are you alright?”

Taehyung tries to speak, he really does. But he can’t, not right now, probably not ever again.

“OK, Taehyung, listen. You have to breath ok?” Sheila says “You gotta breath for me”

So Taehyung tries harder. He takes deep breathes, closes his eyes, focuses on Sheila’s voice trough the phone, telling him sweet words. It takes some times, but they get there at the end. When he feels ready enough, when he feels like his voice won’t betray him half way through, he starts speaking.

“I-I fucked up” he says, breathless “I fucked up so bad”

“Where are you right now?” she asks, voice sweet, reassuring “Tell me were you are so I can come pick you up”

He tells her. He gives her his address and waits for her to come collect him, take care of him. As he’s falling on the ground, head spinning, he wants to vomit. He wants to vomit and scratch out his eyes and cut his own hands, get read of all this blood drying in his hair and cloths. He wants to burn because _oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god_.

He killed his mother, his torturer, the monster under his bed.

And he’s running away.  

Again.

 

 

____________________

 

 

Taehyung likes when people read stories. He likes to listen to the voices, fall into the vibrations, the words, the emotions. He likes to close his eyes and create imagines based on what the storyteller is telling.

Taehyung likes to be cared for, he realizes. Likes to be babied.

When he was younger, his father used to read him bedtimes stories. He used to play of all of the characters, good and bad. They would laugh a lot, at that time, Taehyung coming to play instead of trying to sleep. But that’s the playing part that helped him sleep in the end, so his father let him. He would kiss him on his forehead before living the room, door half closed, the corridor’s light reassuring.

He also liked vanilla and chocolate ice-cream mixed together. He like to draw and run around. But his favorite thing ever, the only thing that helped him calm down and feel safe, no matter the circumstances, was swimming. The feeling of water around his skin, around his ears, his hair playing around his head, had always made him at home.

Taehyung had been swimming for the last two weeks. He’s been swimming all nights and sleep all days, eating two meals, sometimes three. He’s been swimming because he wanted to think, to remember, to put things in their right place. He wanted to make peace with his memories, wanted to make peace with what happened to him and what he’s done, to himself and others.

_Do you want to live?_ he asked himself on the first night he went swimming at Sheila’s work place. _Do you want to live?_

Taehyung thought about this a lot, hard. His first answer was “no” but then, a tiny, little “yes” echoed in the back of his head. It made him think.

He believes that his envy of death was implanted in him when his mother first started testing on him. He believes the amount of abuse and harsh words thrown at him were the reasons he always thought he deserved nothing more than death. He believes that he hadn’t been given a chance to live properly, like a normal human being, and that’s why he so desperately wanted to be gone. But he’s also been lying to himself this whole time.

He was given a chance to live when Nathalie came to him. He was given a chance at life when Namjoon helped him through his nightmares and panic attacks and lost minds. People were here for him, supporting him, loving him, and he was too blind to see it. So self-centred he didn’t even see what was right in front of his nose.

Now that he thinks about it, Taehyung feels bad. Now that he thinks about it, he wants to say thank you. Thank you to Nathalie, Namjoon, Irene, Hyuna, Jerry, Jonah. Even George. He wants to thanks for their presence, for their hard work and their sincere will to make him feel safe, more at home, happy. He feels like a pure piece of shit for being so mean to them, so absolutely shit.

But meanness was what kept him alive all this time. Meanness was what helped him survive and he simply didn’t know how to get read of it, how to live without it, without protective walls all around him. Love was never something he’d learn. Love was never something he’d experience. He thought he did, with Namjoon, at some point, but he was just projecting his desperation and idealisation of love.

Love, Taehyung thinks, is something he would really like to know. Love, he thinks, is something he wants to live before dying. He wants to feel the same love Irene and Hyuna live when they’re together, holding hands and glancing at each other when they think no one sees them. He would like to receive gifts and give some in return. He would like to go on dates and hold hands and give butterfly kisses. He would like to learn about someone, know everything there is to know about them, every tiny detail on their face, their hands, neck, shoulders. He would like to be loved for who he is, not who he was, for what he does, not what he’s done.

Is it too much to ask? Is it really that hard to find? Taehyung doesn’t think it is, at all. It’s just him. Who he is, that makes love so difficult. He wants to love and be loved, but he doesn’t know how. This is going to be a long and hard process, he tells himself, at the end of the two weeks. It’s going to be long, hard, sometimes painful, but he wants to give it a try.

He wants to give life a try and judge for himself.

 

-

 

When Sheila first got him, the night he killed his mother, she didn’t say anything. She gasped though, gasped at all the blood on him, his shivering body, his lost eyes. She took him to the bathroom (that was thankfully still working) and cleaned him up. He couldn’t feel the hotness of the water, nor her hands on his back and hair. He was too far gone. The rest of the night is a blur, always will be probably, and Taehyung is thankful for that. He doesn’t want to remember any if it.

The fist week, they didn’t talk much. Sheila just kept on taking care of him, making him -forcing him- to eat, hugging him until he would fall asleep, delicately playing with his long hair, singing old lullabies. Taehyung felt like he was five again and he never felt so peaceful. He never liked silence and someone’s presence so much. That’s when he remembered. That’s when some of his memories came back.

Taehyung isn’t better though. He’s still deep in his death thoughts, still deep in his defences, his social awkwardness, but now, he’s willing to give it another try. He’s willing to not give up yet.

“You made her disappear, didn’t you?” was the first thing Sheila asked him about his mother. He didn’t go into the details, Sheila not wanting to know. But he told her, didn’t hide anything. For the first time since his discussion with Yoongi, a few months ago, he felt like could really talk. Really express how he was feeling.

So he told her. He told her how much he hated himself but also how much he’s relived to know she’s dead and no longer capable of hurting him. He felts mixed emotions about all of this, he felt awful and grateful and like a monster and a super hero at the same time. What he did was terrible, not excusable, but he did the world a favour, he believes. Even there’s always going to be people like his mother, at least one of them is no longer here to spread hate. 

That’s what he tells himself again today, when he gets out of Sheila’s apartment, hand in his jacket’s pocket. Summer is almost here now, but the fear of touching people is still here, so he still has to protect himself. Closing the door behind him, he doesn’t see the person standing right before him. It’s only when he’s a few steps gone that his body freezes. Slowly, not wanting to rush things and give himself hope, he turns around.

Yoongi is standing there, hands in the front pocket of his jeans, looking at him.

Taehyung can’t believe it. Yoongi is here. Yoongi found him. Mouth open, eyes repeatedly blinking, he doesn’t know how to act, how to present himself, how to breath properly. So all he does is just stand there, like an idiot, waiting for something to happen. He wants Yoongi to yell at him. He wants him to punch him, hurt him, tell him how much of an imbecile he is, for running away, for killing his mother, for being who he is.

But Yoongi does none of that. Instead, he starts walking to him, slowly, like he was facing a wild animal. And when they’re close enough, when Taehyung can see himself in the other’s pupils, Yoongi takes him in his harms. Hugs him. Chocked, not expecting this, Taehyung doesn’t move at first. His entire body tingles, there’s a warm, weird feeling in his chest, and for some reasons, there are tears in his eyes.

“I was so scared” Yoongi says, voice low “I thought I would never see you again”

Taehyung’s tears are falling on his cheeks and he makes a throaty noise, hugging Yoongi back.

“I am sorry” he says, breathless “I am so, so, so sorry”

There’s so much he wants to say. So much he wants Yoongi to understand, to know, to decipher. But right now, he can’t say more than “I am sorry” and “I missed you too” and “please forgive me”. He doesn’t want Yoongi to hate him. He doesn’t want Yoongi to be digested by him. Be mad, he can handle, but the rest, he can’t.

It’s simply now that Taehyung realises how much he missed Yoongi. How much he got used to his silent presence, his reassuring eyes on him, his deep voice speaking just at the right moment. It’s only now that he realises how attached he got to him, in such a short amount of time. At first, he thought this was only a physical attraction, only a resonance of their past. But it was deeper. It’s always been deeper than just skin on skin.

Maybe Yoongi will be able to teach him, Taehyung tells himself. Maybe Yoongi, and Jin, if he doesn’t hate him yet, will help him understand how to handle love and give it reasonably. Maybe, if he says sorry enough times, they will be willing to give a second chance and allow him to discover this whole part of life he’s been missing on.

“Let’s go home” Yoongi says, after some times “Let’s go home Taehyung”

Taehyung’s heart hitches at the words. Home. Let’s go home.

Yes, he thinks. Yes, he wants to go home, wherever it is. Because it’s not the place that’s important, it’s the people in it.

 


End file.
